Summer is upon us and as we look forward to the World Cup, Wimbledon, beer gardening, the beach and hopefully a smile from Mr. Sun one can't help but hear the faintest of whispers coming from the fashion world regarding what may come to be this summer. SHORT SHORTS!
I myself am not a huge fan of the short short and can't see why they should catch on given the aesthetic catastrophe that exists once a pair is worn in public. However, the fact remains, they will be popular should the sun grace us this summer. And why you ask? The simple answer is because most guys can't dress properly! It doesn't matter if they look sh!t, the masses will be wearing them. Because they'll be filled with advertisings that say "you have to be manly to wear these shorts" etc....which are lies..but they'll lap it up nonetheless.
I suppose all there is left to do now is to identify the ones who we can point and laugh at...They naturally enough feature a lot of daisy duke type shorts and roller blades...Just don't say I didn't warn you when there's way too much crotch all up in your face. Who wears short shorts? Guys wear short shorts!
Oblivious guy
YES! The guy who immediately grabs the skimpiest pair of bicycle shorts known to man having only heard whispers of the term 'short shorts'. It's his time now. It's a pity he is blind to the fact that due to the intense spandex levels of his shorts his penis will be poking practically everyone in the face.
Hipster who pretends to play tennis just to wear short shorts guy
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A hipster would never be seen dead in a pair of short shorts once they have crossed over to the mainstream..HOWEVER...playing vintage wooden racquet tennis dressed as John McEnroe is completely 100% OK...just keep an eye on how short those shorts are.
The WTF guy
The first of the roller-bladed guys. Is that a thing now? This is probably how a unicorn would dress itself had it just been transformed into a human...and not a complete fantasy.
Attention seeking guy
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He goes out and finds the flashiest pair of short shorts known to man and uses them to gain as much attention as possible. Little does he know everyone is laughing at him...not with him!
The not sure what's going on here is he being racist or ironic guy?
Yeah...not sure what's going on here.
Wearing his sister's shorts guy
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Not intentionally, obviously. He bought a pair of short shorts and accidentally picked up his sister's ones as they were both in the same wash. The worrying thing is that he can't tell the difference, well we can, because we can see the outline of your testicles buddy.
The guy who is "so rocking these shorts" and also is part of the short shorts/roller-blading epidemic guy
Well he's not really, but he thinks he is, so let's just leave it that way! Again with the rollerblades...for the love of god, can they not see?!
Your budgie smuggling uncle
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The one that doesn't give a fiddlers about anything. You slag him, yet he cuts you down to size in one swooping blow when he calls you the fairy, because he's a hard ass and still doesn't care about slagging people's sexual orientation or any of the connotations that go along with it. He wears these because he wants to, and he doesn't care who can see his nuts protruding. An angry angry man. Steer clear!
The guy who's girlfriend has put him in a pair and doesn't look comfortable guy
His girlfriend will be the beacon of happiness that she has managed to get her guy into a pair of short shorts, but he won't actually have a clue what to do with himself. How to stand, act, talk, look at people and in general exist will all abandon him as he just stands there in an awkward ball of awkwardness.
The tourist guy
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Seriously?! You may be from the EU and all that and yes we can travel freely between each other's countries but DUDE..you're going to need a visa for those shorts!
The poser guy
Unfortunately the short shorts make no difference, he doesn't need them, he's always been a giant dick.
The sports guy
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Some sports dictate that short shorts must be worn and for that reason we are OK with sports guy wearing short shorts. On the field or pool of play only though.
The actually pulling them off guy
Hey, don't think that's you. We know you're just looking for an excuse to get a pair onto you. This is James Bond. Are you James Bond? No. Then no smuggling for you.
And finally...the best dad ever
Apparently his daughter had her ass cheeks constantly hanging out and this made him unhappy. She refused to wear something slightly more conservative....so he refused to wear something slightly more conservative. Damn right too!
I've changed my mind...I'm off to get a pair of short shorts...BYEEEEEEEEEEEEE
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