There comes a point after the crying and the litres of alcohol and ice-cream consumption where you just have to sit back and see where your life is going. All of a sudden you hear Beyonce in the background. All the single ladies are ready to get out there and become strong independent women who don't need no man. Does it always go as planned? Not really, no...
1. I Will Have Loads of Free Time To Make Myself More Cultured
Expectation:
I can finally go to The Museum Of Modern Art now.
Reality:
I'm Going to Watch 9 Seasons of Supernatural in 5 Days
Advertisement
2. I Will Go On Loads Of Dates To See What I Want In A Man
Expectation:
I'll have so many to choose from, like a modern slutty Goldilocks.
Reality:
Advertisement
Install Tinder, chat for a while, they ask you for coffee, you turn off your phone and hide it under your pillow.
3. My Friends And I Will Go Out For Cocktails Like Sophisticated Singletons
Expectation:
That is SUCH a Samantha thing to say!
Advertisement
Reality:
My friends are fucking degenerates.
4. I Will Have a Journey of Self Discovery
Expectation:
I can meditate, explore song lyrics and catch up on some modern poetry and theater.
Advertisement
Reality:
5 hours a day scrolling through Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.
5. I Will Grow More Confident in Being Alone and Realise I'm Far Better Off This Way
Expectation:
Advertisement
My own thoughts are so profound, I never knew.
Reality:
All I can think about is food and sex.
6. I'll Start Exercising And Get Really Hot and Skinny
Advertisement
Expectation:
I'm gona look like a Victoria Secrets model. Fuck. Yes.
Reality:
All I can think about is where my next meal is coming from.
7. I Will Become A Goddess in the Kitchen
Advertisement
Expectation:
Courgette pasta, home made granola, paleo banana bread. Move over Nigella.
Reality:
It's actually cheaper to not cook. Who knew.
Advertisement
8. I Will Date Someone Older and More Mature. Someone Who Really 'Gets' Me.
Expectation:
These men are everywhere, and they'd be delighted to have a young hot ass like mine.
Reality:
Okay, where the fuck are all the men. Seriously.
Advertisement
9. I Will Dress Immaculately Everyday
Expectation:
Head to toe is beautiful Zara blouses and sophisticated trousers.
Reality:
Advertisement
Too many fancy clothes are dry clean only.
10. I Will Save All My Money So I Can Travel and Help The Poor Kids of Africa
Expectation:
Yes! I have always wanted to build houses for the homeless.
Advertisement
Reality:
Must buy clothes.
11. I Will Expand My Group of Friends and Become a Socialite Queen
Expectation:
I will have SO much time to catch up with everyone and go to every single event I'm invited to!
Reality:
Somebody invite me somewhere. Please.
