Agh, drinking holidays, they're like an initiation before you start into adulthood. Be it a Leaving Cert holiday or just an all out ''Let's get fucked for two weeks'. It comes with certain expectations...
1. I Will Be Away From Any Parental Guidance
Expectation:
I will be completely independent, nobody checking on me. I finally feel like an adult.
Reality:
How the fuck do you navigate an airport. Terminal 2? What terminal are we in? Jesus, the gates are closing, run! Run!
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2. We Will Be Living in The Lap of Luxury
Expectation:
Balcony and the view of our five star pool right outside!
Reality:
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Is that a fucking cockroach?
3. We Will Sip Cocktails Until the Wee Hours of the Morning
Expectation:
We will be just like Sex and The City! Cosmos!
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Reality:
Look, there's this giant cocktail thing called a fishbowl and it's only a fiver. One each yeah?
4. I'm Definitely Going to Have a Summer Romance
Expectation:
His name will be Enrique and he'll work at the hotel. Nobody puts baby in the corner!
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Reality:
You're from Cork? Ya OK I'll shift ya.
5. I'll Have a Savage Beach Body Before I get There
Expectation:
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If I drink nothing but ginger and lemon tea for the next two weeks, I should lose about 5 stone.
Reality:
Dominoes are doing a 'Two for Tuesday Deal?'
6. I Will Sunbathe Every Day and I Will Look Like Eva Mendes
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Expectation:
It's so hot! Oh there's Enrique with the fan, bless him.
Reality:
IT BURNS!! Don't touch me, my clothes feel like fire. Everything hurts!!
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7. Day Drinking. Sipping those Infamous Cocktails by the Pool
Expectations:
We'll get up early and have breakfast on the patio while we sip mimosas
Reality:
What time is it? I slept in all day? These fucking cocktails are giving me some serious heart burn.
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8. Dance Till Dawn
Expectations:
We'll look like we're in a 5 Seconds of Summer music video!
Reality:
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What time is it? When does this place close? I'm SO HOT AND SWEATY. Shit, I'm going to be sick. Where's the kebab shop?
9.We Will Use This Time To Grow Closer as Friends
Expectations:
Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants was based on us.
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Reality:
Can she breath any fucking louder? Are... are you wearing, is that my skirt?
10. What Happens on Holiday Stays on Holiday
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Expectation:
We'll make memories that we'll only discuss when we're together and at school reunions. All these inside jokes will prove how close we are!
Reality:
Wait, there's what on YouTube?
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11. We'll Be Able to Drink All Day Without the Side Effects
Expectation:
It's because we're so young that we can do this. YOLO! Woo fast metabolism!!!
Reality:
I'm dying. The sun makes it so much worse. I'm perspiring alcohol, when will this pain go away. I feel like I'm in the pits of Hell.
