So you're going out, your girl's going out, you're texting as per usual, then the clock strikes ten to six and she says, "Okay bye I'm going to get ready I'll see you later." What? What could she possibly have to do that takes this long? Well, let me tell you.
1) Hair Removal
This preening ritual can go one of two ways - she will either; (a) remove every blade of hair from the eyelashes down in one smooth sweep or (b) assess her current hairy-ness on a scale from chihuahua to chimpanzee. Can she get away with it? If she decides to wear leggings will those pesky little hairs just stick through the material and make them look like fluffy pyjama bottoms? Will she just wear jeans? These are the questions that haunt us.
2) Application Of Alternative Face
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It's time to put on the war paint. She's preparing the face (not to prime is a crime), she's airbrushing all over, removing eyebrow hairs then drawing them all back on again but what really makes this part of the getting ready ritual so time consuming? She's on the phone. All females are on the phone to the bestie whilst completing this part of the routine, thus dramatically increasing preparation time. "Oh my God yeah of course you can borrow that that'll look sooo nice on you!", "Yeah clearly I'll put your eyelashes on for you just hurry up cutieeeee!", "What are you drinking? Will you get me the same? Have you any mixer?".
3) Social Media Stoppage:
She has to snapchat? Duh.
4) Panic Stations
She's stressed out. She glued her eyelids together, she opted for a dress and now she's spotted a patch of hair on her shin that she somehow missed, her tan already looks like she's had a couple of vodka red-bull's spilled on it - and her dress makes her look preggers. This is when the big guns are called in, the bessie mates. After two glasses of vodka, a new outfit and a couple of acceptable selfies - she is ready to paint the town red.
5) Ready To Go, But Not Ready To Leave.
Pfft, she's not going anywhere yet. She and the honeys have to sit around the kitchen table for a couple of hours and discuss their latest feud with their no longer good friend and have a gossip about who kissed who in last week. D-R-A-M-A.
