There are seven certain stages that every group of girls goes through on a drunken night, and here they are!
1. The Getting Ready Rush.
Okay, so you’ve decided last minute that going out sounds like a good idea. Queue the mad frenzy to have a shower, shave your legs, apply your tan, straighten your hair and throw on your makeup – God it sucks to be a girl. After getting all of the above done in under an hour – which is quite impressive – it’s off with the emergency bottle of wine to Sarah or Mary or John’s house for a few pre-drinks.
2. The Pre-drink Pressure.
You arrive at said person’s house, only to discover that after one too many drinking games, everybody else in the room is already quite drunk. Sitting in the corner in a shy sober state, only one thought comes to mind, “Down it!” 15 minutes and an empty bottle of wine later, you’re feeling quite pleased with yourself, although quite sick already.
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3. The Dangerous Drinking Games.
Having missed out on all the earlier fun and games, tipsy you decides to let roar that a game of Kings is needed. Everybody in the room seems to think this is a great idea, despite the fact that a quarter of them are very near passing out and/or vomiting by now. It’s all going splendidly until, just your luck, you get the Kings cup. With a typical student attitude of, “Ah well, it’s a free drink!” you chug down the deathly mixture of vodka, tequila, wine, rum, beer, and God only knows what else.
4. The Turbulent Taxi Ride.
The most sober of the gang announces that, at 12 o’clock, it’s probably time to get a taxi. Everybody’s running around the house with screams of “Where’s my handbag?” and “I can’t find my naggin!” coming from each room. Some poor soul hands you a drink with the excuse of not being able to drink anymore and you’re more than greatful. You don’t know what the hell it is, but hey, who turns down a free drink? The taxi arrives and you stumble in less than gracefully, probably attached to the arm of some poor fella you’ve never met before but intend on shifting later on in the night. Off the car goes and you can feel your head lolling back and forth. “Oh no,” you think to yourself. You’ve gotten just a little bit more drunk than what you intended.
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5. Shots, Shifting and Sick.
So you somehow managed to get past the bouncers, leaving a few drunk friends behind in the process. It was probably thanks to that boy you’re still clinging to, so you decide to repay him for his kind act. Yes you’re already drunk, but because of this you think it’ll be a great idea to get even MORE drunk. You drag him to the bar and buy a couple of shots, then ten minutes later, love is in the air and you’re shifting him. However, this doesn’t last very long, because you’re now swaying so much that you can barely keep your lips on his. A little bit of dancing later and you realise that Sambuca may not have been such a good idea, as you can feel it coming right back up. You end up darting off to the toilet and leaving your future husband alone on the dance floor. Just about making it to the bathroom, the puking begins. This is the point where you realise just how much you’re going to hate yourself in the morning.
6. The Part Where Anything Could Have Happened.
Ah yes, the best part of a drunken night out. That big massive chunk of the night where you can’t remember a single thing because you were so hammered. This is usually the bit where your stupid antics are let loose and you end up doing embarrassing crap like calling your ex or pouring your heart out to some random girl on your course who you’ve met like twice. But not to worry, you’ll surely be reminded of all of this in the morning by your friends, who will more than likely be spending their time laughing at your drunken words right now. You’ll definitely regret at least 60% of the things you’ve said and done, and will spend a good portion of tomorrow cringing at yourself and wanting to cry.
7. Takeaway Tantrums.
So after you’ve cried about that boy who doesn’t like you and made best friends with 20 new people that you won’t even remember in the morning, one of your more sober friends decides it’s time to get you home. You, however, are still drunk, and not in the form to leave. After moans and whines about craving curry cheese chips, your friend eventually agrees to bring you to the nearest chip shop before you go. A meal fit for a King is ordered and you’re delighted with yourself, munching away on your chicken burger like a child at Christmas. That is, until you’ve finished your meal, and realise you’ve just consumed about 700 calories that you didn’t really need. The tears start again, and this time you’re dragged into a taxi. Finally home, you collapse in your bed. Of course you’re still in your dress, with your makeup on, and if you were REALLY bad you probably forgot to take your contact lenses out too. But it was all worth it, right?
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