Welcome back. It's the day after the long weekend and you have returned to Earth. Your weekly holiday was 50% longer than usual and whatever you did, you did 50% more of it. Maybe you went hiking, cycling or used the extra time to prepare this week’s packed lunches ahead of schedule.
That’s great. You’re great. Bit of study as well? Cool.
OR: Today is the end of the world. Your face is awake but your mind is empty. You can remember taking your first sip on Friday evening, but now it is Tuesday. You feel hollow. There are so many unanswered questions, so many mysteries. This is Tuesday... and you are afraid.
1. The Seminar:
The lecturer has just asked a question, so it's time to try and find something at the bottom of your bag. Thankfully, Eager Eimear has answered the call. This should buy you at least 5 minutes, because Eimear cares enormously about whatever module this is. You can tell by the animation in her eyebrows: Eager Eimear’s earnest eyebrows. You look around at the other faces in the room. They all know more than you. This time next week, you decide, you will know more than anyone in the class. For now, just keep practising your signature and don’t look up again.
2. “Working from Home”:
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Sitting at your desk, you stare at your computer screen and the flashing cursor, waiting for words. Your presentation/report/essay/dissertation is due on Friday and so far, all you have written is your name and student number. Your name looks good in Times New Roman, size 12. Very professional, very mature. Your number, on the other hand, really pops in Comic Sans 14. You decide to let your subconscious wrestle with this decision while you pursue relevant research. Unfortunately, there are no Ted talks about your essay topic, but it’s been at least two weeks since you watched the one about procrastination. Four videos and 35 minutes later, the irony overwhelms you. Irony makes you hungry. It’s time to make a snack.
3. The Library:
You are outstanding… a champion of education… an academic titan. You made it to the library by 9am. You finished your coffee, neatly arranged your books and laptop on your desk and have been soaking up the atmosphere of excellence all morning. Surely, this must count towards your grade... Wait, how is it 11.30am? The post-grad student beside you, who arrived an hour later than you did, is getting up to leave, after typing furiously for an hour and a half. Suddenly, a tidy email inbox now feels like less of an achievement. Panic leads to facebook-blocking, determined chin-stroking is followed by a google search about the origins of chin-stroking and then a wikipedia journey into the evolution of the human chin. By the time you’ve finished reading “10 common shaving mistakes” on askmen.com, it’s time for lunch. You decide to pop out for half an hour, just to get a quick sandwich. You will not return to the library until Monday.
4. Bed:
You are warm. You are comfortable. You know there is a world outside these glorious sheets but, for the time being, it does not concern you. You will open your eyes in an hour, go downstairs shortly afterwards and return to bed with a bowl of cereal. You know it is the afternoon but the time is irrelevant. You have missed most of your lectures, the rest will be online or something. You are living as nature intended. You are a lion and, today, your bedroom is the Serengeti. Your meal times will shift in accordance with this new waking schedule. Many of these meals will be cereal. Tonight, you will go to sleep in a terrible mood. Tomorrow, everything will be different.
5. Friend’s Couch:
You wake up in an intensely uncomfortable position. You are extremely sweaty, you smell terrible and there is a snoring arm draped across your face. You roll onto the floor and groan for a few minutes. You must be brave. You rise to your feet, steady your dizzied head and survey your surroundings. It is time to collect evidence. You are in Tipsy and Smurfo’s house. Weird-Grace-with-the-tiny-face is asleep on the coffee table. The snoring big spoon is Gary O’Hulahoop. It becomes clear that you are now made of gin. You climb out the window, because it’s the closest escape you can see. You will spend the rest of the day watching Netflix, crying and re-assessing your life.
