Ewww, No Thanks... 101 Excuses To Get Out Of Sex

Sometimes on a night out you can be cornered by some annoying dude who won't let you leave. What might have started out as a nice chat has dissolved into him proposing an evening full of sweaty naked fun times. You could not be less interested, but you don't want to hurt the guys feelings, all you can do is hold back the vomit in your mouth. Too awkward to flat out say no? Give these excuses a go!

1. 'Sorry I have to make a call real quick..'

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2. 'Oh, my mom is calling..'

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3. 'I've got diarrhea, the bad kind. Its basically a never-ending flow down there.'

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4. 'Rape! J.K. Rape! J.K. ha ha that's the kind of jokes I make during sex.'

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5. 'I quiff a lot.'

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6. 'I lost my vagina to a boating accident.'

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7. 'My lips are sealed. Yeah, my roommate put superglue in my underwear last night.'

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8. 'I'm late for a meeting. In New York. So I've got to go.'

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9. 'Let me just ask my Twitter followers.'

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10. 'I'll probably just live tweet it.'

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11. *throws up*

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12. *cries

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13. *smack

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14. 'My birth control pills take like six months to kick in.'

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15. 'I'm pregnant.'

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16. 'Oh crap, I just ran out of birth control pills.'

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17. 'I'm really into this show on Netflix so I think I'm going to watch that. Alone. Right now.'

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18. 'I'm on my period.'

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19. 'My Aunt Flo is visiting...and she hates sex.'

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20. 'Do you know what my vagina is dressing up as? Little Red Riding hood.'

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21. 'I've fallen to the Communists.'

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22. 'The red sea is in high tide.'

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23. 'I's surfing the crimson wave.'

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24. 'I've just got a gift from Mother Nature.'

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25. 'I'm closed for maintenance.'

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26. 'My vagina needs to reboot itself.'

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27. 'Its my time of the month...for dancing.'

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28. 'I never watched Breaking Bad.'

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29. 'I don't 'get' Game of Thrones.'

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30. 'I have a Quidditch game to catch.'

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31. 'I have brittle bones. I better not risk it.'

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32. 'I'm waiting until I get married.'

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33. 'You'll have to propose to me right after.'

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34. 'I'm waiting for my Kickstarter to reach its goal.'

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35. 'I only give it up for God.'

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36. 'Who are you?'

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37. 'I have bed bugs.'

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38. 'I have an STD...a bad one...it makes penises fall off.'

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39. 'Sorry, I'm more into the scissors part of rock paper scissors if you know what I'm saying.'

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40. 'I like to see a V where you have a D.'

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41. *waves fingers across his face 'This is not the vagina you are looking for.'

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42. 'I'm allergic to human flesh.'

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43. 'I have a penis-phobia.'

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44. 'I'm allergic to fabric.'

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45. 'I'm allergic to latex.'

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46. 'I can only orgasm if One Direction is playing.'

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47. 'Only if you refer to me as Taylor and play 1989 for the entire night.'

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48. 'You look exactly like my brother/father/sister.'

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49. 'I have a lot of reblogging to do.'

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50. 'I have to check my Tumblr tags.'

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51. 'I had a lot of Mexican food for lunch. And I think its going to make a reappearance soon.'

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52. 'I'm married.'

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53. 'I took a vow of celibacy for the next six months like ten minutes ago!'

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54. 'Where am I?!'

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55. 'I'm a dude.'

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56. 'Oh my God! my house is on fire!'

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57. 'There's my boyfriend! Hi!'

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58. 'I need a drink.' *runs away.

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59. 'Is that your friend?' *points and runs away.

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60. ' I have a penis, but its like really small, you won't even notice it.'

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61. 'Did you know that sex can lead to pregnancy? Who knew?'

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62. 'Just how contagious are Herpes? The doctor said mine is like nearly cleared up completely.'

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63. 'Only if we don't touch each other.'

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64. 'You should buy me a drink first.' *runs away.

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65. 'I have like ten YouTube videos to catch up on.'

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66. 'I'm good, I went horseback riding today.'

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67. 'Just let me check on my kids.'

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68. 'My dog likes to pee on new people.'

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69. 'My roommate likes to pee on new people.'

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70. 'My favourite sex position is where we stand on opposite sides of the room and shout out names of revolutionary women from the 19th and 20th centuries...it is so hot.'

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71. 'I'm like super tired right now.'

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72. 'I just had sex with that guy over there, don't I have to wait like half an hour or something?'

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73. 'I just got a tattoo of Jesus on my vagina and its not healed yet.'

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74. 'I have bad split ends...down there. Its a prickly fun bush.'

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75. 'My roommate melted all my condoms.'

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76. 'My roommate poked holes in all my condoms.'

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77. 'I drank too many margaritas and my vagina dissolved.'

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78. 'Oh, I thought you were gay.'

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79. 'Is this not sex?'

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80. 'That's hilarious!'

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81. *cough 'Shit, I think I've got Ebola.'

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82. 'I'm really bad at making decisions.'

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83. 'Would it be weird if my dog watched?'

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84. 'Playing with my unicorn collection needs to be part of foreplay.'

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85. 'I'm waiting until I'm an internet star.'

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86. 'I'm saving myself for *insert famous actor's name here*'

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87. 'Isn't evolution just a ton of crap? How did the eyeball just happen?'

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88. 'I have to get back to writing my novel about a college girl who cuts off the penises of all the guys she sleeps with. Its based on a true story. I did a lot of research for it.'

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89. 'My favourite kind of sex is the kind where you don't have sex...sounds hot right?'

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90. 'I'm super aggressive in my sleep.'

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91. 'I'll have to introduce you to my parents first.'

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92. 'I sprained my groin in a pole-dancing class.'

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93. 'I'm allergic to semen.'

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94. 'I'm terrified of belly-buttons.'

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95. *sneeze ' I think I'm allergic to your cologne.'

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96. 'I'm only into having sex with myself, no one else really measures up.'

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97. 'You don't look like you'd be any good at it.'

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98. 'I've been through a lot...I'm not ready to be disappointed again.'

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99. 'I really don't think you'd be able to get through this impenetrable layer of spanx I'm currently rocking.'

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100. 'I have a three date rule.'

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101. 'No thank you, please.'

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