After a long week of partying and studying, it is finally the weekend. Time to go home to Mammy and get some clean laundry and a home-cooked meal. You'll pack a week or more's worth of clothes into the first bag you can find big enough and throw your all your college books and laptop into another because you'll definitely get some study done this weekend. So you've packed up, ticket has been purchased and now all you have to do is wait in line with the rest of the commuters until you're brought along that torturous and seemingly never-ending trek back to the homeland. You'll probably spend the entire trip plugged into your iPod because WiFi on buses and trains doesn't support YouTube or Netflix, and watch the people traveling with you. I've traveled up and down the country getting to and from college and gigs and boyfriends and these characters always seem to make an appearance. No amount of music or evil looks will keep them away and you'll probably end up sitting next to them at least once.
The Talker.
They're either shouting down their phone or talking to anybody who has the misfortune and poor judgement to sit beside them. These folks do not realize that commuting should be done in silence, with little or no eye contact and definitely no bringing up any major political issues. I've just spent a week using my brain, can't I shut it off for a couple hours?
The One with All The Bags.
You can't help imagining where they are going to, or if you're on the bus, why they didn't put some of their bags into the luggage compartment. They are taking up seats that are desperately needed, but appear to be either completely ignorant or and good at ignoring civic responsibilities.
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The lovely old person.
Who reminds you of your grandmother and asks you to help her out with something, like the time or helping her to her seat. She's so nice about it you're happy to help and once you've done your bit you can both sit in contented silence. She doesn't want to bother you and you don't want to bother her. She's the Perfect travel companion and won't even be visibly annoyed if you reek of booze from last night's session.
The horrible old person.
That complains about young people like you're not even there? They complain about how it's our fault that the country is in a state - how do you figure that gran? Basically, a horrible judgmental person who will try to get a rise out of you for the entire trip. You just turn up the volume on your iPod and try to imagine what happened in their lives that made them such a miserable old bat.
Noisy young ones down the back.
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Either teenagers roaring and shouting about their epic night out at the disco thinking they are such 'legends' for having a sneaky scoop in the bushes, or stag/hen party who are completely plastered and shouting at each other like they're in the club right now. While you are nursing your hangover from necking that naggin' of vodka and all those jägerbombs. You both envy them and detest them. Granted if your friends were there it would be you guys making a show, but those teenagers don't even know what a night out even is yet and the stag and hen...really? Shut up!
The Gross Eater.
They smack their lips and lick their fingers as they munch their way through bags of chips. They are so loud and make everyone - including a particular hungry and hung-over student - jealous of their food. But in no way would you share, their saliva is everywhere. They leave all their crap behind them too, wrappers and napkins. They are so gross that you kind of can't look away, even though it's turning your stomach.
The Music-Lover.
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You hear them before you see them. When they do move into your field of vision the first things you notice are their headphones, which are comparable to massive ear-muffs. They don't even need to be wearing earphones because their music is blaring louder than the driver's radio. Not that they'd notice, their ear-buds are probably fried after years of blaring Skrillex and Avicii into their ears.
The Sleeper.
The bus/train barely pulls out and this one is out for the count. Lightly snoring with their head dangerously lingering over the shoulder of the passenger next to them. Inexplicably, they wake up right before their stop. Like they are an actual machine. Nothing else will wake them.
The Tourist.
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Noticeable props they have include a camera, a fanny pack and a t-shirt and shorts outfit that looks like something your mother would have made you wear in the 90's. They will probably spend the journey looking at maps and talking about their trip so far. Avoid unless you want to give advice on where to go/what to do.
The Suit.
Clearly coming home after a long day at the office. Gives everyone a disdained look, and takes out an apple and drinks their takeaway cup of coffee. They will most likely sleep as well, depending on the length of the journey and probably hate everyone there more than anybody else.
Just remember the trip won't last forever, and you'll get that home-cooked meal at the end of it. Stay strong and turn up your music.
