The 10.5 Commandments Of Single Life

Single life can be everything from absolute freedom and #lovinloifewifmegirlos, to a deep valley of ‘whyyyyy meeeee?!!’ and just being a bit of a ‘hater’ or ‘potater’-‘hatin’ and ‘potatin’ on people in relationships.  In order to have what we could call a successful, fulfilling single life, one must obey these commandments in order to bring out the Bradley Cooper inside you (the wonderfully fabulous singleton…) and banish the bitter Davy Jones (#4evaalone #squidforlife #Calypsodaslut).

Note: Following ‘Commandments’, while loosely based on are not to be confused with those of Moses. For most part he probably wouldn’t approve…

Thou Shalt Have No Other Gods Besides Oneself.

Firstly, this is not to be taken literal as in “YOU WILL ALL BOW TO ME YOU FOOLS” but more in a self-respecting sort of way “I is a strong independent woman/man who don’t need no man/woman”. Love the cave of wonders that is you.

Thou Shalt Not Take One’s Own Name In Vain.

Again, emphasis on the importance of self-belief and confidence. The universe is based on the law of attraction: if you believe in you then the world will believe in you, however (in voice of Mr.T) if you be hatin’ on yo’self then the world go’n hate right back at you. Remember you’re the only one you affect by your thoughts on yourself-so why not make them good ones?

Remember That EVERY Day Is YOUR Day.

The lack of a boyfriend/girlfriend allows for more time to do exactly what you want to do and not base all your actions, decisions, and general mood around that other person. Want to head off and explore the depths of the rainforest on your own?...  Bon voyage away you go! Want to hibernate at home in the same pair of tracksuit bottoms for a week with your girlos/boyos? Then enjoy my friend! You ain’t gotta answer to nobody yo.

Honour Thy Friends and Thy Family.

Ok, so perhaps slightly contradicting the previous commandment: while yes you are indeed your own boss, your friends and family are the people you should answer to. The one thing you’ll carry with you till the end of your life is your relationships with these people, so this may mean listening to and humouring a friend while she vents about the dope of a man she’s in love with (while your belief that he is in fact the definition of scum of the earth is best kept silent… for now) , or having a chat with good aul mam and dad in the evening because as you grow older you will realise they once were just as cool if not cooler than you.

Thou Shalt Only ‘Kill’ In Metaphorical Terms.

The only ‘killing’ that should be done in life is in terms of; ‘killing it’ on the dance floor (especially necessary for singletons, as no mandatory time with gf/bf in the club means more time to show off the dancing machine that is you ), ‘killing it’ in a project/assignment/exam/competition, ‘killing it’ with a comeback, etc...  All ‘killing’ to be done as in ‘winning’ at life in general.

Thou Shalt Shift And Drift.

To shift or not to shift that is the question… The answer to that question is of course always to shift, however the shift is not so advised, or at least requires some sober thought  if (a) The other person involved in the shift is a good friend (b) The other person in the shift is a potential lobster of a ‘bro’ of yours, and (c) Every instinct and part of your being is saying ‘RUN YOU FOOL OF A TOOK!!’.

Thou Shalt Not Steal

Bluntly, this is never a good idea in any situation so don’t go there.

Thou Shalt Not Bear False Witness Against Anybody.

Nobody likes a liar. It didn’t work for Pinocchio, Obi Wan Kenobi, and while Clark Kent is Superman, in hiding his true identity he is essentially living a big lie every day… which is a bit unnecessary. Sometimes we lie to protect something or someone, when in the long run the truth will come and shneak back, so whoever you are it’s always better to roll with the truth first.

Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Friend’s Girlfriend/Boyfriend

Nooo baby no. Unless… 1. You are willing to lose a friendship and accept a period of dirty looks and ‘tut tuts’ 2. Your love for said girlfriend/boyfriend is requited 3.This love is movie-like and consists of nothing but rainbows, unicorns, chocolate waterfalls, and wonderfulness… only then may you pursue this person. If all of the above do not apply, then I’m afraid that they are not the ‘Radio’ to your ‘Maliboom boom’, so move on my dear.

 Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Friend’s Shtuff.

Everybody is allowed to forget about things every now and then, like that hoodie you borrowed after that night out that time… ‘sure look and sure listen’ you say, you’ll give it back eventually. Little do you know that may be your friend’s absolute go-to-super-comfy-love-of-life-hoodie. Moral of story:  give hoodie back. Same can be said for other clothing items such as shoes, dresses, and basically everything borrow-able from kitchen appliances to stationary. We all have that one great novelty pen bought on holiday that lasted 2 days in college before disappearing off face of earth…

Thou Shalt Have And Be The Craic.

William Wallace was not over exaggerating the importance of freedom in life, so as a singleton embrace this freedom and get to know yourself and the world from your point of view, and not from your point of view entangled in another’s.  As one of the ‘lesser known’ Irish proverb says... ‘A man truly having and being the craic is happier than he who is not’… or so it should go…