Are you heading out tonight? Music will be pumping and booze will be flowing, of that much we're sure. Depending on the night you're having and the amount of alcohol you're drinking, you will either be one of the following types of drunks, or you will see them all rolling around the bar or club. Drinking brings out the best and worst in people. It makes shy people the life of the party and the outgoing people go totally disco ballistic. Which one are you?
1) Chatty Drunk
It's like their filter dissolved along with all the alcohol they poured into their bodies tonight. They talk all night. If you get caught next to them, you will be there for the rest of the night listening to them tell you their entire life story. They might ask you questions but they will probably just answer them for you in the same breath. They'll do a swift Irish exit out the back once they've run out of topics to discuss with you and you'll breathe a big sigh of relief I'm sure.
2) Crying Drunk
Maybe they just broke up with someone, or failed a test, or their favourite character was killed off in Vampire Diaries. Maybe they aren't sad about anything in particular. Alcohol just lets those pent up stress tears flow. Whatever the reason they will not stop crying. It's best to leave them to themselves, a box of tissues and a bottle of gin. Unless you want to mind them all night and lets face it, nobody wants that.
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3) Fighting Drunk
They were grand at the end of the night but all that pent up energy from all those vodka and red bulls has gone to their heads and they are raving for a good fist up. They're looking for a fight. Any excuse is good enough for them and they will twist everything to make it seem like they are being attacked: you looking at their girl/fucking her with your eyes, someone saying they look smart/being told they look like a dry shite, making fun of their drink/questioning their very existence. Avoid like the plague.
4) Flirty Drunk
Two drinks in and they are all over whoever will have them. Very touchy-feely. They think they're being as smooth as James Bond, but really they're coming across as desperate and slutty as Katie Price. It's not charming to be chatted up by someone so drunk that their sentences are slurred and they can't look you in the eye. They will grind up against you and stroke your arm while asking you to buy them a drink. Might be your dream come true or your very worst nightmare. Up to you.
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5) Dancing Drunk
This one thinks they're Beyonce working out on the dancefloor. They attempt the running-man, the moonwalk and the chicken dance. They look awesome in their head but to everyone else they look like they're having some form of strobe light induced fit in the middle of the dancefloor.
6) Sloppy Drunk
Falling all around the place, numerous attempts to get drinks after the bar person cuts them off. Throwing up in the bathroom, in the club, in the street. Insist they aren't drunk. Send drunk texts to their ex, their boyfriend/girlfriend, their parents, their professor. The drama is endless and they wake up the next day with no knowledge of anything they've done meaning that they're likely to commit the same crimes over and over again....
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7) Sentimental Drunk
'Remember that time.' They'll bring up class trips, childhood memories, funny stories and tell everyone how much they love them. They will most likely bond with everyone in the bar before the night is over. Alcohol fills them up with love and understanding. They'll insist that you'll be besties for life! Only to forget that you even talked to them the next day.
8) Philosophical Drunk
Starts trying to discuss lifes greatest issues: 'what does it all mean?', 'what is the best way to live?', 'what should I do with my life?' While everyone else has started trying to find someone to take home with them tonight, the Philosophical Drunk is ranting about life's big questions.
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9) Happy Drunk
Everything is awesome and we should get shots and go dancing and run into people we don't know and make friends and ahh it's so great!!! They are the life of the party. If you're not as inebriated as them, then they will be the most anoying bastards in the place. They may spend the night telling everyone how great they look, how drunk they are and how fantastic this place is. Nothing will bring them down. So don't even try.
10) Manic Drunk
Runs through each of these personalities in the space of one night. Beware. They are dangerous and volatile. One minute they're waxing nostalgic about your class trip, next they're punching you in the face, laughing and shouting for another drink. Keep your distance at all costs.
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