It’s childish and it stems from insecurity but tests are inevitable in long term relationships. Having your commitment or devotion tested through various manipulations and underhanded tactics by your significant other (S.O.) is both annoying and disheartening. But the fact is that all long-term relationships are going to be tested without the help of one party trying to undermine the other. Serious stuff and trivial moments are all being read into too much and can often affect the way your S.O. will see you. Be warned. Or maybe wait until you find someone mature enough to be in a secure relationship with you, whatever you want.
- Past Relationships
You might still be friends with an ex and for a lot of girl/boyfriends that will not be OK. Sorry. Unless you can pass their test of seeing if you still have feelings or a good compatibility with your ex. For example, if your girl/boyfriend suggests a night out with your ex and maybe their new beau, this is a test. If you laugh and joke around with your ex, your S.O. can use that as evidence in a future argument or disagreement. I’d suggest not to go along. Be busy or, even better, say that you’d prefer to hang out with your S.O. alone. Because they are the only ones you want to be with. You’re welcome.
- Travelling
The ultimate relationship test in my book. This lets your S.O. see how you deal with stress, money issues, finding your way around a place you don’t know, communication skills and being able to work as a team. If you and your S.O. are planning on going away together, plan it together and split the bill. Don’t let one person do all the work, especially the one that might be testing you. If they are and you let them do all the work, that just tells them that you will not pull your weight in the relationship if anything serious comes up. If they know they’ll be doing all the heavy lifting in the relationship, why would they stay? If you want them, work together. Plus, you’ll have a say in where you go and stay. It’s win-win.
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- Making You Jealous
Often your S.O. will try to make you jealous in an attempt to see if you really care for them. Having someone jealous of your attention makes you feel wanted, desired and special. But it’s also childish and immature and really shows how insecure you are. It is a difficult test to pass. If you act/are too jealous, then you could be branded an insecure dick that won’t them live their lives, and if you don’t react at all to them telling you a story of how so many guys were hitting on your S.O., then you could be accused of not caring at all. My advice is to just keep it cool and say something like: ‘Of course they were hitting on you, you’re gorgeous. I only wish I was there to show them that you’re taken.’ Showing that you’re both a little jealous but proud of who you’re with. Relationship points for you.
- Film Choices
Going on a date or staying in and watching Netflix? Choosing the entertainment can be a heavy decision, some of the time. More often than not when you’re significant other asks you want you want to watch, they genuinely just want to know and aren’t hoping you’ll pick the film that you suspect they want to watch. To be sure, when they first ask you respond with ‘I don’t mind, whatever you want.’ If they say they don’t care either and you do want to watch a particular film, suggest it now. If they’re cool with it proceed. Sometimes this is a test of whether or not you can compromise as a couple. Sometimes ‘compromise’ is what your S.O. is thinking but the actually want you to do what they want. If you genuinely don’t care what you watch, don’t say you don’t care. They will think that you don’t care about them and the relationship. I don’t know why but say you don’t mind, much better, more feeling. Does it really matter what terrible film they make you watch if it means hanging out with them in a darkened room? Unless they pick something so un-ironically bad that you realise they are an asshole. At least you’ll know.
- Exchanging Gifts
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This is how they find out how much attention you paid to them, how well you know them. Is it any wonder couples break up so often around Christmas? It is a stressful time. You need to be able to show your affection, your understanding of the person while still being cute and maybe funny. It’s a tall order but not impossible. My advice would be to pay attention and stick to funny present or jewellery. If they love a show, get them some merchandise from the show, if they are mad about tea/coffee get them a personalised mug or some cute hand-designed mug from Etsy.com, if they have a favourite band get them a band t-shirt or poster or tickets to a show, if they are big readers get them the latest award-winning bestseller. If they say 'Don't get me a present' that is a fucking lie. They want a present and if you don't get one you will be a complete ass. Don't spend loads of money on them but get them something. Of course, some people are trickier than others, so good luck. You’ll need it with Christmas coming up soon.
- Teasing Banter
Being able to have a bit of teasing back and forth without either of you going too far or getting upset. Not being able to tease each other or have a laugh with one another can be disheartening to your S.O.. You don’t want to be in a relationship with someone that you have to be so careful with what you say. You want to be able to be yourself, and sometimes yourself is one sarcastic little bitch, with a heart of gold. Teasing is a way of seeing just how secure you are in yourself and in your relationship.
- Friends and Family
How they get along with you and you with them. Introducing your S.O. to your friends and family is a big step, unless they already know each other. Their opinion shapes yours, whether you like it or not. Being able to give a good impression will have a lasting effect on the opinion they have on the relationship. It’s pass or fail. You’re either going to get on great and there won’t be any obstacles from their side, or they’re going to hate you and your S.O. will have to choose between being with you or making them happy. Sucks for both of you. Your S.O. can find out about how your friends and family feel about them too. A quick Facebook stalk here, drunken chat there. If not them, then their friends will do the spying for them. Watch out.
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- Shopping
Some people love shopping, others hate it with a fiery passion and will do anything to avoid it. Sometimes, this is unavoidable and sometimes you'll find yourself together getting something or other: stuff for travelling, groceries, Ikea lunch packaging. For those people that hate shopping this will be stressful and pressurizing and will undoubtedly lead to a fight. And for those that enjoy it, they will be brought down by a partner that hates just about everything about that moment. This test sees how good you are at being organised and stress-free. Try to keep calm and upbeat, maybe suggest coffee breaks if things get too intense. That way everyone stays calm. Just don't suggest them every five seconds.
- Being Drunk
How you are when you drink together is a big relationship test. Can you handle your booze and will you look after them if they drink too much? Are you a big obnoxious drunk or do you get weirdly emotional or aggressive? They say that drunk you is who sober you is underneath all those social inhibitions. Will you be able to help them with their hangover, or tell them to look after themselves? Showing you care when they are hung-over lets them know how you’ll care for them if they ever get sick.
- Being a Plus One
Going to a family gathering or big event together can be a huge relationship test. It tests how you present yourself in a formal setting, whether you are mannerly, polite and able to conduct yourself in a respectable manner without embarrassing your S.O.. They want to be able to show you off, don't hide away into yourself or keep them from the party. Suck it up, take a shot and relax yourself. If you really hate it, then ask if you could go for a little while then leave. You can both say you had to go somewhere. Not so much a dealbreaker but a test none the less. Good luck friend, you'll need it.
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