Men, I'd just like to say for the record, that we love you. You're great. At least, most of you are great. Finding a great man is like finding a fantastic pub in the best part of town with amazing music and three for one cocktails. Pretty damn difficult. We all know the kinds of men that make great boyfriends, the ones that you can bring home to your mother without worrying that he'll say something grossly inappropriate. Now for the ones that you shouldn't touch with a foot long barge pole. Here are the types of men that women love to hate. Consider this a warning...
1) The Cocky One
The very bane of every womans existence. The cocky guy loves nothing more than being a massive dickhead. He insists on shoving his overwhelming sense of inner confidence in everyone's face, both literally and metaphorically. Yes, he's probably well endowed and yes, he'll probably show you, without being asked. Nobody is safe. You can sense his massive ego from six streets away. Pray, please pray that you won't be landed in a group project with one of these wankers, as their sense of self satisfaction will smother you, slowly and from within.
2) Cheaters
Once a cheat, always a dickhead. Or something to that effect. Cheaters will never change and anyone who tries to convince you otherwise is just in denial/ is already in someone else's pants. Cheaters are in it for the thrill, the excitement, the feeling of being a horrible, two timing dickhead messing with someones head. Don't even go there. Next!
3) Bar Wankers
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You know exactly who I'm talking about. These men will hit on every woman that approaches the bar with the fresh, untarnished hope that this time, their small meaningless compliments and tired chat up lines will work. Until pf course, woman after woman with general good sense and cop on, tells him to get lost. This is when the bar wanker really comes into his own. He will retaliate by insulting every physical feature, trait and 'imperfection' that he can lay his beady little eyes upon. Nice one. To every bar wanker ever, we hate you.
4) Jealous Guys
Guys, you might think that by acting like jealous, possessive little arseholes, we'll fall madly, deeply in love with you, because all that women want is a mad, possessive, obsessive kind of love. Bullshit. What we want is someone respectful, kind and fun, not some needy, sad little loser who weeps every time we kill an hour with our mate Dave from Sociology. Chill the beans.
5) Exceptionally Hot Guys (Who Know It)
There's nothing, NOTHING, sexier than a man who's so hot they make you want to cry, but. and the but is imperative here, they appear to be unaware of just how beautiful they actually are. Can more of these beauties please come crawling out of the woodwork? Yes, there's a lot to be said for being a confident, attractive man. There's also a lot to be said for being a self righteous, self obsessed, vain arsehole. Namely, we all hate you and please, step away from the mirror.
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6) Faux Hipsters
Nice glasses/ beard/ obscure musical taste you have going on there. I'm sure that you'd engage in a nice, healthy talk about it all, but I wouldn't understand because I'm in no way cool enough. Be odd, be quirky, be yourself, just don't be some pretentious twat with ear stretchers and tight jeans, if you're more into trance music and fast cars. I can see clearly now and the view isn't all that great. Must be the unnecessary glasses.
7) Aggressively Rude Ones
In their defense, these guys are usually so pumped off their man tits on steroids, pills and caffeine that they're probably pretty unaware of just how shit their behavior really is. Rude, obnoxious, ignorant, sexist, dismissive, loud, bad mannered, short tempered. Drugs are nothing more than a pitiful excuse for this shitty behavior. Sometimes they may not be a factor at all. Yes, that's right ladies, there are shitbags like this out there who have no excuse for acting like this, bar being a shit person in general.
8) The Spoiled Little Rich Boy
Mamas boys through and through, no woman will ever rip this precious gift from God fully free of the apron strings. This guy expects everything to land face first on his gold plated plate and if it doesn't, then God help us all. There are few redeeming qualities in this guy. He won't understand when you can't afford things like food and why would he, when he sleeps on a pool of cold hard cash every night of the week? Any chance of a loan?
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