Some might see clumsy girls as damsels in distresses or just complete disasters. We're a bit of both. Every day is an attempt at survival, what can we do today will cause pain and suffering tomorrow. Jennifer Lawerence is our queen. If she can accept an Academy Award for Best Actress, ten seconds after falling flat on her face, that tells us one thing: clumsy girls rule. Like Zooey Deschanel put it: 'it's like a validation'. We're not acting out to seem more approachable or adorable, we're just caught in a constant struggle between our bodies and gravity. Gravity tends to win out....Here are some problems that all clumsy girls face everyday;
1) Walking
It's a miracle we don't fill up the E.R.s of this world with broken limbs. The amount of times we've tripped over nothing is laughable. The act of walking, with one foot in front of the other, seems so simple in theory, but nearly impossible in practice. If we intend to walk across a flat bit of land, don't you worry, we'll find something to trip over, possibly even our own feet. Have your camera phones ready.
2) Gravity Is Not Your Friend
If anything, it's a frenemy. It's always out to pull you back down. You can't lean back in a chair without falling out of it, you can't walk without stumbling to the ground, ladders seem to be designed to confuse and entangle you, deciding to get up from your desk is deciding to embark on a perilous and uncertain obstacle course across bags, chairs and other desks. It's a wonder we even get out of bed in the morning.
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3) Having Limbs Is A Full-On Contact Sport
You are constantly running into doorways, light-poles, cupboards, tables, people. You have more bruises than you can count and you're so used to your clumsiness that you barely notice whacking into things anymore. So you end up covered in cuts and bruises and you've no idea where they came from. Apart from the scars you've sustained from shaving your legs and falling out of the bathtub.
4) Heels
We can't wear them, though sometimes we try. I think I've reached a point where I've had enough. I wish I could but the threat of broken ankles and wrists is too high. Again great in theory: they make you legs look long and gorgeous and your butt look perkier but I look like a complete doofus shuffling around in fear. I'll stick to flats, not as hot but definitely safer.
5) Stairs
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Whether you're going up them or down them, they are like obstacle courses or endurance tests. Then there's the fear of the misstep: thinking there's another step but there isn't, or thinking you've finished with the stairs and another pops into existence, causing you to fall flat on your face.
6) Can't Wear White
If you do everyone will see how messy you are. Blacks and dark colours are your friends. They can hide the food stains and dirt marks from falling down the stairs that time. Oh, and the blood stains, you can't forget about them.
7) Drinking
Our lives are a constant and embarrassing struggle. We can't take a sip from a water bottle without squirting some in our faces, or take a drink of tea without missing our mouths at least once, then there's always the chance that some will spill out, that is if we don't choke on it in the first place. Plus, often when we are around liquids we tend to spill them. All we wanted was to feel refreshed, instead we get covered in liquids and nearly choke to death. Sexy, am I right?
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8) You're A Danger To Others
Clumsy people generally are not aware of the amount of space they take up. Which will often result in them walking into things and other people. Say you're out dancing and have a few drinks, that you actually managed to get into your person, you have to mind where you put your arms because if you're not careful they'll end up in someone's face.
9) You Avoid Pasta On Dates
You know that it will just end up all over your face and outfit. If you're just meeting someone for the first time, you don't want to scare them off with your lack of eating skills. You'll want to ease them into your 'quirks', so stick to something that requires a knife and fork and doesn't involve anything too saucy or with a lot of crumbs. You should be fine.
10) Winter Is a Dangerous Time
Winter means it's cold, cold means that there will be ice, ice means that you can't move an inch without slipping and falling onto your face. Walking when it was dry out was difficult enough, now the floor is slippy? And ice-skating? You want me to pay to have someone give me blades for my shoes so I can really show off how not graceful I am? No thank you. Where's the door? Whoops, that was the doorframe, excuse me, sorry there. Oops sorry, I didn't mean to drop your hat..
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