Trying to balance work and play can come with a price and sometimes that price is being completely shit-faced at work the day after a night out. Being hungover is the worst at the best of times, but it's a complete disaster of a situation when you have to work. The night out probably wasn't planned, a last minute decision to head out for a few drinks. You promised yourself that you wouldn't stay out too late seeing as you have to be at work at 10am the next day. But the guys you haven't seen in ages will be there and honestly you deserve a drink after all the stress of exams, so fuck it, drinks! But now everything hurts and everyone sucks. ..
Waking up...PANIC
You'll probably have slept in and have like 15 minutes to pull your shit together and get down there. You’ll panic falling around the room trying to find any semblance of an uniform that could do for the day. Its cleanliness is not important right now. You’ll fix your hair into some kind of ponytail and brush your teeth, you don’t have time for anything else. On the plus side, the adrenaline rush from panicking so much will make your body forget how much of a mess it is right now.
Ten minutes in….Time to Crash
By around now your adrenaline is wearing off and you’re starting to feel it. Cold prickles down your unwashed back, a sheen of sweat developing on your forehead. You know there’s a waft of booze around you as the stench of alcohol just oozes from all of your pores. Your eyes are glassy and bloodshot and your face goes deathly pale. All your co-workers can see you crashing and are torn between feeling sorry for you and laughing their arses off. You pray that you don’t look as shook as you feel, but you do. You definitely do.
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Stomach Starts Churning...
If you work in a restaurant or café there is no escaping the smell of food and depending on the amount of shots you took the night before, all of it will turn your stomach. Thoughts of seeing your late night fries again start circling in your mind…time to head to the bathroom for an extended break. Throw up a little maybe, just sit there and lean your head against the cool tiles and try to forget how much of a mess you are. Splash of water and head out again. Only four hours to go…..fuck my life.
You are More Useless than Clip-On Cup Holders for Tables
Even the most rudimentary tasks are ridiculously difficult. You can't even fold napkins or stock shelves without messing it up, dropping stuff, knocking things over. You're a walking disaster. You can't finish sentences, or pay attention. Really everyone would be better off if you had called in sick because you're making more work for everyone else. Your lack of motor skills, concentration capabilities and blurry vision are making your day a living hell. But if you didn't come to work you wouldn't get paid. Can't be having that.
Flashbacks Start Seeping In
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After a million cups of tea or coffee you start feeling something close to normal, but then the flashbacks start. You start remembering all the shots, all the selfies, the air guitar dancing and the sing-song session. That was you that attempted to do a moonwalk and ended up falling into some guy’s crotch and spilling his drink in the process. Your body is not a wonderland. The shame coupled with the fear is enough to make you just want to crawl into a safe hole and sleep the rest of this monstrosity of a day away.
Lunch-Time: Time To Check Your Phone....
Now's your chance to catch up on just how madly you ruined your life online last night. All the photos, SnapChats, selfies, and obnoxious status updates. Not to mention your call history, just how many times did you try to call that hot guy in your tutorial again? Time to try to salvage any dignity you might have left, apology texts all round.
Acceptance...You're a Shit Person
Last night was the a terrible idea, you are a terrible idea, alcohol was a terrible idea. You deserve this pain and suffering. Time will pass so very slowly. The seconds will tick by and everything will hurt. The customers will be shit and your co-workers will point out how crap you look and everything will be awful. This stage is the darkest stage. But it will pass, just like you have been passing dirty beer farts all day and hoping no one noticed that it was you.
You Made It, Time To Collapse
It's finally home time and you've never been more grateful in your life. You pack up your shit and drag your sorry ass home. After a long hot shower, you collapse on your bed and sleep it off. You've done a day's work, you're not a complete waste of space. Not completely.
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