Defining a relationship is awkward. It requires you to own up and accept that you either do or don't have feelings for someone. If you're itching to know where you stand in a relationship, it's probably time to have The Talk. If you want to turn your casual hook-up into something more permanent, you need to clear the air and find out what they want. Some people might say it's lame to be in a relationship during college, but if you find someone you want to be with, why not? As long as you're having a good time, what's the problem? Consistent good sex with a reliable and caring person... why wouldn't you want to go steady?
What Do You Want?
Clearly, you like this person and you want to be with them, or you wouldn't be reading this. Yeah, you are with them now, but you don't really know where you stand. If you have a personal problem, can you talk to them about it? If you've had a rough day, can you ask them to come over and cheer you up - and not just for sex? If you want a boyfriend, but also want freedom to see others, maybe you could consider trying an open relationship. Before you have The Talk with them, be honest with yourself about what you want. Only then should you talk to them. Otherwise, it will just be a big awkward mess.
Be Honest
No matter what everyone else says, we are built to have partners, sometimes multiple partners. If you find you're starting to get warm, fuzzy feelings for your casual hook-up or friend-with-benefits, don't pretend otherwise. That will just upset you. You matter, so start acting like it. If they don't feel the same way, you're really better off. If this 'relationship' is going to fall apart the moment you suggest any commitment whatsoever, then it wasn't really a 'relationship' to begin with.
Location, Location, Location
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When you've decided what you want and know what you're going to say, pick the right time and place to do so. Not a crowded club, drunken house party or during class. Meet up sober, so that you can both talk without distractions or alcohol getting in the way. If you decide to put a label on your relationship, you probably want to remember the conversation that led up to it.
Be Confident
Don't pretend to have feelings you don't have - that's ridiculous. Just because you know what you want and your peers don't, that shouldn't give them leave to mock you. You're mature, beautiful, intelligent and witty. You could have any number of guys you want. You're a catch. Remember that when you broach the subject with him. Don't be an asshole about it and tell him you think you're a catch and he should be lucky to have you. Just remind yourself so that, if it doesn't go your way, you know you have other options.
Don't Obsess Over Potential Rejection
Yeah, the guy might say no. He might want things to stay as they are and that might mean you go your separate ways. But he also might say that he feels the same way, that he wants the same things as you. If you don't bring it up, things might never change and you'll be unsatisfied and unhappy. If you don't even try, you will never get anything you want. So be brave, it won't be the end of the world... but it might be the start of something great.
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