Who doesn't like a bit of how's your father? Apart from asexuals, obviously. Exactly, everybody wants to dip their wick, but sometimes it can be more trouble than it's worth. To avoid making your life any more difficult than it has to be – and I realise I'm asking a lot here because some of them are so damn handy – do try to never have sex with the following peeps;
1) Close friends
It's a well documented fact that it's pretty hard to remain friends with someone after you've bumped uglies; look at Henry VIII, he killed practically every chick he ever got freaky with. Someone will always like one more than the other, even if they claim they don't, and ultimately it all devolves into annoying mind games that you eventually extricate yourself from by cutting your friend out altogether. Of course there are exceptions, if you think you're both interested in a relationship it could work out (though it's statistically very unlikely).
"Of course we'll still be able to look you in the eye after the spit roast."
2) Flatmates
It makes the breakfast table positively awksies and whenever you bring somebody else home, you must prepare for open hostility from that flatmate you just sexually snubbed... you insensitive A-hole.
Advertisement
3) Workmates
Another scenario in which you cannot get away. Say you get with your workmate and it ends: even if it ends relatively amicably, there's still awkwardness, but if it ends badly you have to see your ex every day. Mmm, that's good agony. Perhaps it's worse still if you continue to carry on with your workmate, no matter how much you like them, having to see them every frickin' day, all day with no space to move, can be horrendously suffocating.
4) Bosses
Worse than a workmate, you're totally and utterly under the thumb of your slampiece. Everyone can agree this is a pretty shit scenario, unless you're into submission. Breaking it off is nigh impossible and ignoring them is futile as you will surely be called to their office for a stern warning.
Advertisement
5) Actors/actresses
Generally speaking, these are attractive people who have to kiss and dry hump other attractive people as part of their fuckin' job. They may say "it's just acting, baby" but if they tell you they don't enjoy it, they're fucking liars. Pretty much a recipe for cheating y'all.
Case in point...
6) Overreactors
Admittedly, you'd have to know a little about a person before you can judge whether they're the melodramatic, overreactor type, but it pays to find out. One such example of a man who suffered from getting busy with a overreactor happened last year when a Japanese woman in the Fuzhou region, upon seeing her gentleman lover arriving home both late and drunk, chopped off the man's dick. This not only set a dangerous precedent for mildly annoyed women everywhere, but also brought a whole new meaning to the word “dismembering.”
7) Prostitutes
A better option would be simply putting your junk in a Venus Flytrap, which is an altogether more agreeable way to lose your genitalia than dischargy, sore-tastic syphilis.
