Men love to get naked. Naked on their own. Naked around their mates 'for the laugh'. Naked around women. Fair play men, we wish we had your confidence. So, just say that you actually care about what she's thinking when you're naked. Pretend, at the very least. You must be kind of interested, right? Here's what's going through her mind when you're naked...
1) I almost always forget how hairy men really are.
Seriously, when you haven't had any action for a while, you almost begin to forget how hair ridden and fuzzy that men actually are. Us ladies, you must remember, spend many wasted hours removing every little trace of growth, so seeing a naked being covered in a layer of fluff is sometimes alien to us. Hairy chest (in moderation), sexy. Hairy back? How's about no?
2) Interesting smell...
Men always describe women as smelling 'fruity' or 'sweet', so what about the men? When men are naked, they smell muskier, stronger, more male, if that makes any sense. We're not saying it's bad, in fact, most of the time it's pretty damn good. Unless you smell or B.O or you've got yourself a bad case of stank dick, that is. I'd suggest washing yourself.
3) All of that gym time has paid off I see...
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Big arms? Broad back? Get in my bed please. I'm not quite sure how self-conscious men are when it comes to how their bodies look during sex, but men, as I'm sure you'd tell us, fear not, we're not focusing on your 'bad bits', we're just seeing the good stuff. Strong, confident and up for a laugh is the perfect recipe for us ladies, which, considering how much time you seem to spend in the gym, seems like a fair enough payoff.
4) Nice bum. Can I have it?
The bum epidemic hasn't just affected the male population, us ladies love a good bum too you know. And while we accept that you probably will get a little weirded out if we go anywhere near it, at least give us a glimpse of it every now and then. Deal?
5) A bit of TLC on the gardening front wouldn't go amiss...
The term 'double standards' comes springing to mind on this one. Don't even think about asking us to pluck, wax and cry over our lady garden, if you aren't going to bother trimming your hedges every once in a blue moon. I'm not on a scavenger hunt for gold, I shouldn't have to work this hard to find your penis. Control your fur please and thank you.
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6) He looks so ripped that it's almost making me want to work out.
Almost, but not really. Because no matter how much she's focused on the task at hand, somewhere, in the back of her mind, she's thinking about how she looks in comparison to you. Which, if you're a ripped gym goer and she's well, not, is probably not the best flow of thoughts. So thanks guys, you hot bastards you.
7) He looks noticeably impressive from this particular angle.
The fact that your penis increases in all round volume when hard is something for which you should all be eternally grateful. Depending on the angle and your arousal, a glimpse of your 'happy' manhood is the perfect way to get us even more turned on. Boring as it sounds, missionary is probably best for a bigger angled look. Sneaky...
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