You Can Buy A Scented Candle That Smells Of Garlic Bread
Pheromones, the name for the unique hormonal scent cocktail each of us unwittingly emits. While pheromones undoubtedly play an important role in mate attraction for many animals, their role for humans is less defined. If you think of someone you love, ideally a romantic partner, one of the strongest aspects of your memory of them will be their particular smell. However, while it was long debated whether this fondness for the smell of a loved one was causal or associative, ie. whether their smell was part of what makes us love them or whether we simply love their smell because we love them, the more research that is done into this field the more it is implied that pheromones have a powerful causal link in human love and romance. There is more and more evidence to suggest, what many may have already been able to tell you, that a person's smell is one of the strongest things that attract another person to them.
While the cause of this seems to operate on a more subconscious and chemical level, I can tell you right here, right now that if I ever came across someone who's natural body odour was that of garlic bread I would love them with a purity and intensity that would be unrivaled in human history. Let's just be clear about this for a second though, I'm not just talking about someone who might work an Italian restaurant/takeaway pizza franchise and comes home with their clothes imbued with the vague scents of past-garlic bread, nor even if if those trace elements of garlic bread-past - or 'ghost-bread' if you will - still clinging to their skin; I am talking about someone who's natural scent profile entirely matches that of some garlic bread. If such a person existed, I would do all in my power to show them my infinite love - while trying my damnedest not to come across too strongly.
All that is to say that - in the interests of not being called a hypocrite, having so avowedly declared my love for anything that innately smells like some garlic bread - I think I have no choice but to say that I think I'm in love with a candle. Specifically this candle.
For this candle, designed by Australian company Grey Lines, has been engineered to have the exact scent profile of garlic bread. Simply remove its cap, lower a gently flickering match toward its wick, standing proud and tall, and watch a soft, delicate flame slowly grow, allowing the unmistakable scent of a popular fast-food garlic bread to permeate through your home. You can own this candle. For but nearly 30 Australian dollars, your home could be filled with some of the richest, most olfactorally decadent scents ever conjured in this world.
"What differentiates the smell of 'garlic bread' from simply just 'garlic'?" I hear you uncouthly ask. Well, all I will say is that, if you have a refined enough palate, you'll know. You'll know.
And now I must go, for until it can be shown to me that there is someone out there who themselves possesses this unique scent, I, for fear of betraying my own beliefs, must go tell my partner that I am leaving them for a scented candle - the closest thing I have yet found to an ideal mate.
N.B.: Just to put in perspective the kind of kitsch company this is, when perusing their website to find this candle, their main promoted item appears to be a soon to be released pillow named 'Pablo The Penis'. I feel this advertorial photograph can say more than I ever could about the low, low bar that is being set for cloyingly 'kooky' Australian merch.