Jack And Dani Announce That They Are Getting Married Next Year
With the embers no doubt still warm on the vast pyre that was constructed to burn all the, no doubt now unusable bedding, that was retrieved by specially trained cleaners from the Love Island villa, the sights of the, now ex-, islanders will invariably turn to how best to eke the most, monetarily, from their new-found fame.
Naturally, for the four couples who made the final, their access to celebrity is primarily predicated on them being a sort of double-act, and not just any old double-act, but one in which their entire continued caché is reliant on them successfully marketing and monetising their progression through the traditional milestones of a relationship. A long-read in The Sun when Megan and Wes move in together. A six-page photoshoot in Hello magazine when Kaz and Josh adopt a traumatised teacup Yorkshire terrier from a local pound. A feature in the Financial Times on when Laura and Paul - the UDM (Universe's Dullest Man)* - take the plunge and open a join-savings account with a Credit Union. Their currency is their relationship; their love, and its measured and quantifiable advancement is the product which they must learn to sell - that, and various weird charcoal toothpastes, protein powders and gym discounts on Instagram.
Well, it appears that Dani Dyer - progeny of the homonymic and personification of a headbutt, Danny Dyer - and Jack Fincham, the winners of this season, have laid bare their plan of action. They've announced that they are set to wed, tie the know, get hitched, avail of the various tax incentives open to matrimonious couples in 2019.
Speaking after they'd left the villa, Jack said "We're getting married next year 100%. [Aside: Raising an interesting question as to whether its possible to get, say, only partially married]. Like my mum said to me so many times, 'When you know about someone you just know'. And now I know what she's talking about."
Meanwhile Dani, when quizzed about their relationship upon her liberation from the Love compound, said "It's about enjoying a bit of time outside the villa now. And when we're both ready, we will talk about it. Right now I'm just happy to be with him."
While it seems like no official proposal has taken place, they undoubtedly seem more thrilled about the whole situation than the feature photo utilised here would seem to allude. I have rarely, if ever, seen anyone get sick into their hands through joy, but perhaps, there is a first for everything.
Jack and Dani are the one true hope for the survival of pure love in this deeply corrupted age. As society's soul grows ever blacker and more twisted, their pure, deeply-cockney romance is the one salve, the one beacon of hope through the mire. May their love burn pure. May the sale of their wedding photographs and permits for journalistic access prove lucrative.
*Less than 48 hours after the show's denouement and, again, with the embers on the vast pyre of all the villa's soft furnishings still warm, I had to Google who the hell Laura had been seeing in the final.