Nicki Minaj Has Announced Her Retirement From Music

My Anaconda don't,
My Anaconda don't,
My Anaconda don't want to continue working in the entertainment industry as it's growing increasingly difficult to reconcile a grueling touring and recording schedule with maintaining a family life.

These are not the real lyrics to Nicki Minaj's song Anaconda, they have been subtly tweeked, so as to convey the raison d'etre of this article - though the above tweaks might prove difficult to scan over the initial arrangement of the song.

Nicki Minaj has announced, via the medium of Twitter, that she is to retire from performing.

Over the past decade Nicki Minaj has enjoyed near unprecedented success. Having been nominated for 10 Grammys, won five MTV VMAs and was confirmed by the Recording Industry Association of America as the first female rapper to officially sell 100m albums and singles.

The news was met by consternation among her fans who are, as this writer has just learned, known as 'Barbz'. They have no doubt been pushing their respective broadband and phone data plans to their very limits, having spent seemingly every waking moment since the rapper's announcement, imploring her to change her mind.

Given that Nicki Minaj's Twitter account currently has her location listed as being 'Megatron' one can only sympathise with the difficulties that must be posed by trying to live and raise a family on a fictitious extraterrestrial robot.

Do whatever you need to come to terms with this information. Go lie down in a dark room, and let your thoughts wash over you. Go to your Nicki Minaj shrine, light a solitary candle and contemplate the good times that you have shared.

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