Weather Small-Talk To Go Back To Being The Drab Affair It Once Was
There are concerns that the national standard of weather-based small talk is set to return to its usual mundane levels.
The nation in recent weeks has been assailed by freak weather events and as such weather-centric small talk has flourished.
"I remember a time, before Ophelia and Brian, when... well it was awful," said Howard Paunch, who spoke to us on the condition of anonymity - a decision, which we have since reneged on. "It used to just be all 'Oh isn't it breezy outside?', 'Why yes, yes it is.' 'Oh isn't it mild out', 'Yes, yes it is.' It was agony. Though the storms were terrible and damaging, they at least brought some much needed pizzazz to, what is otherwise, a pretty flaccid area of conversation. It can't go back to the way it was, it just can't."
With the storms having passed however, and there being very little danger of any more roofs being blown off schools, it is a very real threat that the national standard of weather chat will plummet to its pre-Ophelia levels.
In order to counter this and to ensure that we are provided with more conversational fodder in this field, the government are recommending that people contribute as much as possible to global warming to guarantee a greater frequency of freak weather events. So leave those fridge doors open, keep those cars running and invest in crude oil people.