10 Awkward Moments All Single College Guys Face
If you're a young single guy, you're either delighted to be balls deep in a new lady every weekend, or crippled with loneliness because you can't even get one girl to go out with you. Well, this article is for the latter. The guys who don't like sleeping in their big empty double beds by themselves. The ones who feel like they haven't had sex in years! (Even though it's only been a few weeks.) How many of these agonizing moments have you experienced?
1) "We're Out Of Tissues...Again!"
Yeah.....you know why. It's not because you've been shedding tears over how single you are. Well, sort of. Happy tears.....from your penis. Every guy who goes a while without having a girlfriend will probably find an excess amount of tissue paper building in his wastepaper basket in his room. It's awkward enough if someone asks where it's all going, but about 700,000 times worse if you get caught emptying your small bin into the big kitchen bin. Do it late at night, OK? Emptying the bin, I mean.
2) "Are You Not Seeing Anyone?"
You're at a party (worse still, one member of your family is at), and you've been asked for the fifth time in a row "Are you seeing anyone now? I'd say you get all the women." FUCK! OFF! NO, I'm not seeing anyone, stop making me feel shit about it! Christ!
3) "Uh Yeah, I'm Seeing A Girl Called....Tyniffer?"
After a while, you just get so sick of telling people that you're still depressingly single. So you're just like, "Yeah, I'm seeing someone, it's not serious, but it's happening. Her name is <insert-name-of-girl-you-fancy>." And that gets them off your back for a while.... until someone goes on her Facebook page, and looks through all her information and says, "Look! She's fairly friendly with that guy in that photo!" Wankers....
4) <Thump-thump-thump-"yes"!>
Anyone who comes home from a drunken night out without making any kind of progress with some babes doesn't want to be reminded of what he's missing. Which is why one of the most awkward moments he can experience is lying in bed, being kept awake by his housemate having sex in the next room. Still, she looked hot in the taxi....and she sounds like she's having a good time.....where are the tissues?
5) Formal Balls....Balls
Every year, there seems to be more and more pressure to have a date for the formal ball in college. You thought the debs was the last time you had to pay a girl to stand next to you in fancy dress? Think again, laddy boy. If you're lucky, you'll have a friend who is a girl, and she'll be happy enough to go with you. If not, you have to brave it alone and try not to feel like a complete virgin while you're there. Good luck with that.
6) "What Are You Looking At?"
If there's one thing in the world that single people really hate, it's seeing shithead couples having a PDA right in front of them. It's like a big middle finger to the world. "Look how happy we are. We could be having sex in five minutes if we wanted to!" So you do what any self respecting single person would do and you glare at them and wish they were dead. Which is awkward when they see you doing it.
7) So Many Condoms....
Most guys like to be prepared. And at the start of the college year, they're also pretty optimistic. Hence why a 16 pack of condoms finds its way into your bedroom drawer in September. And by the time May rolls around, you're only down to 14. And that's extremely depressing.
8) "Oh, This Was A Date?"
In an attempt to get back into the dating game, you might ask someone out. Someone you already know, probably, because you're in a hurry to get some riding action. And even though you've paid for everything, you're wearing a fancy shirt and opened doors for her, she's still acting as if it's a casual thing, definitely not a date. If you were in any doubt, try and lean in for a kiss at the end. "Oh...I didn't realise this was a date date."
9) Fuck Valentine's Day
No seriously, fuck it.