10 Ways To Avoid A Fist Fight
You may be the peaceful sort, but at some point in your life somebody is gonna want to beat your ass. Like running into an in-your-face charity worker on a crowded street, you will one day blunder into a fight. We've already taught you how to deal with an angry girlfriend, now we're telling you how to deal with a violent thug ("What's the difference?" I hear some hilarious jokester snort to his screen). In our hypothetical scenario, you've encountered an angry thug in the street who is taunting you in an obvious preamble to fisticuffs. Should you find yourself in this unfortunate scenario and decide that you don't wanna throw down, pay close attention to our 10 ways to avoid a fist fight:
10) Walk away
Duh. It's the most obvious option, just turn heel and ignore the wildly posturing baboon who is keen to put boots to asses. Most of the time the simple act of total disinterest and lack of concern will be enough to make the brawler lose interest in you. Of course, this won't always work...
9) Draw attention to yourself
If the would-be fighter won't let you just walk away it helps to remember that scumbags are a bit like animals: pretty stupid and easily startled. Start replying to them in shouts, move around a bit more, make yourself more noticeable, draw the attention of nearby people. A douchebag like this is put off by the possibility of an audience.
8) Try to calm them
They're being persistent, so they must be spoiling for a fight for some reason that isn't connected to you, and their primitive coping mechanism is violence. Trying to calm them may disarm the aggressor, they were hoping you would rise to the bait and fight back, fuelling their anger. If you talk to them reasonably, they can come to their senses as their anger wilts.
7) Crack a joke
Another way to disarm them. It's hard for them to maintain their anger with you when you cracking 'em up like a muthafucka.
6) Pretend you don't understand they want to fight
You think they're joking, you're laughing it off, "Good one man!" and you keep moving on past him. This one depends on the thug being so stupid that they're willing to believe that you're actually thicker than them. Easier to pull off than you might think.
5) Reschedule the fight and don't show up
Sounds ridiculous, but this is actual thing. Some thugs have a weird sense of honour where they will agree a time and a place to throw down which suits both parties. In a desperate spot, you have nothing to lose by suggesting it at least.
4) Distract and run
"Oh my God, look at that... thing... over there!" Works on drunks, junkies, and complete idiots.
3) Pretend you don't speak English
They'll be trying to rile you with some premium trash talk, but they'll lose heart if they think you can't understand just how much they hate you.
2) Tell them you have a heart condition
Inform them that hitting you could kill you and they'd go down for murder, or at least manslaughter! You really have to sell it, but it will give them enough pause for you to make your getaway. Hey it worked for Benedict Cumberbatch in order to get out of real-life kidnapping situation, it could work for you.
1) Go crazy on their ass
Petty thugs lose their nerve when they think they've accidentally started a fight with an actual psychopath. Don't just look like you are willing to fight, look like you're fucking dying to fight. Hit them with a little crazy eyes and square up to them. They weren't expecting this and they'll immediately back down. No one wants to tango with a fucker who's loco.
