11 Key Tips For Every Guy On A First Date
First dates can be nerve wracking affairs. There's so much at stake, first impressions are key and holding a conversation can be a nightmare. But fear not as College Times has again swooped in at the last minute to provide you with some sage advice on how to go through a first date unscathed.
1) Get Some Dutch Courage
Have a few sneaky scoops, take the edge off the whole affair. Once your inhibitions have been lost you can really open up about how the influx of foreign players to the Premier League has had a detrimental effect on the England national team and grassroots football as a whole.
2) Stalk Them On Facebook
Stalk them on Facebook so you have an encyclopaedic knowledge of their likes and hobbies. When they see how much you've researched them they're bound to like you/run to the nearest garda station.
3) Wash Thoroughly
Basic hygiene 101. Don't forget behind the ears.
4) Wear Ill Fitting Clothes
If you're a little bit ashamed of your body there's a simple fix. Wear clothes that are two sizes too small. What once was a lanky weakling now looks like a buff demi-god bursting out of his shirt. Careful not to impede your breathing too much.
5) Say Grace
Insist on saying the rosary before the meal. Girls love a holy joe, it shows your a man of principle. And make your views on sex before marriage clear. Women always want what they can't have.
6) Keep An Air Of Mystery
Girls like mystery, If you go to the jacks don't even tell her if it was a number one or a number two.
7) Initiate Contact
Start with a sensual grab of the hand, graduate to thumb wrestling and finish with a nuggie.
8) Keep Her Keen
Say you have several other dates lined up after this one and that if she doesn't bring the bantz then you're out the door. Make snoring noises throughout her anecdotes and tap your watch throughout the date. You can also live Tweet saying how bad the date is going and then tag her in it.
9) Make Up A Heroic Story Where You Save They Day
Remember that time you saved those orphan puppies from the zombie apocalypse? You do now.
10) Pay For The Meal
To hell with the feminists, foot the entire bill. Women like a man who can exercise a bit of financial muscle. In fact, you should pay for everyone's meal in the restaurant. Sure, you might have to starve yourself for a few weeks after but hey, we all have to make sacrifices.
11) Tell Her She Reminds You Of Your Ma
Your mother is the most important woman in your life, she'll be delighted to be even mentioned in the same breath as your aul wan. Easy brownie points.