Panic and Self Loathing: The 12 Stages Of Over Sleeping

Mornings are hard. I could get ten hours of sleep and I would still press snooze on my alarm, twice. It's rare that I actually wake up in time to do my make-up AND have breakfast before I leave the house. Alarms are just useless objects that only interrupt our precious hours of sleep, because with or without them we all go through these stages of oversleeping:

1) Is that my alarm or was that in my dream?

Definitely in my dream, it sounds so far away.

2) Nope it's my phone.

Argh fuck, what year is it?

3) Oh I think I've woken up in time.

Ha, suck it alarm. I've beaten you this time.

3) SHIT SHIT SHIT.

NOT AGAIN FUCK.

4) How did this happen again?!?

I could've sworn I woke up in time SHIT.

5) Time to get dressed in thirty seconds.

It's okay to wear pyjamas out isn't it? I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR ANYTHING ELSE.

6) Fuck when's the bus due?

The app better not play up, I can't miss it.

7) GET OUT OF MY WAY CAT.

I'LL FEED YOU LATER.

8) Breakfast.

No time to eat so gonna be a cranky ass bitch all day.

9) Where the fuck are my keys?!

My Mam must have moved them and I only have five minutes and I can't open the door. Why do good things happen to bad people.

10) I just wanted to sleep.

I could have sworn I literally JUST fell asleep, and now look at me.

11) Now I have to run for the bus.

Aaaand I'm gonna be sweaty. I already smell like drool.

12) I missed it.

Fuck it. I'm going back to bed.