20 'Honest' Confessions From An Internet Troll
The internet trolls: heinous internet personalities participating in the daily happenings on the World Wide Web, who lead normal lives in the real world. You know them when you read them, and you hopefully don’t know them in real life (it’s almost worse when you do). Long comments full of 'urs', sexist rants laced with point-blank statements written just to rev up your emotions. A familiar contradiction: they’re out to get you, yet they don’t give a damn about who you are. Internet trolls antagonize in all forms of intelligence and consideration, but just like any other annoying nuisance, when they’re after you, they only “succeed” if you let them. What else would they, the whole lot of them, not want you to know?
1. I don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re.”
2. My girlfriend broke up with me because I followed your bullshit advice. I’m just giving you some constructive criticism. Dipshit.
3. Trolling and online bullying are really one in the same, but we hide behind usernames and avatars. People are so invested in their internet creations that when challenged by useless, mean comments that are intentionally meant to antagonize the creators and strike up an argument, the creators obviously become protective of their work and opinion. But really, it’s not personal. I’m just bored and want to rub my intellect in your minute flaws. Deal with it.
4. I’d never have the balls to say it to your face. Obviously.
5. Three words: freedom of speech. Ima say what I want. Right?
6. In your video you're pretty. Dumb, but pretty all the same.
7. U probs lived ur life w/ ppl telling u that ur so good at everything so like wen sum person u don't no is like this isn’t that good, u probs shouldn't care cuz like we don't even like no each other.
8. Nobody pays attention to me in real life and this crushes me from within.
9. OMG it was ironic lol u guys thought i was serious then like evry1 is so angreee and ahhhhh im a monster nobody find me my rents wuld killlllllll meeeeeeeee
10. Why can’t I be John Green? I’m just as good looking as John Green. I’m just as witty as John Green. I write just like John Green. How does that 30-something dork get so many 16-year-old teenagers and I get nothing?! The dude is MARRIED with KIDS. Back off, nerd girls.
11. GAY. Cuz all my friendz call me that. Obv.
12. Why you think I got so much time on my hands? Fuck that shit I got a weekend’s worth of homework ahead of me tonight and I’m not gonna do it cause 'the professor’s an asshole and the rest of the world gets to suffer.' Really. The world. The internet connects the whole fucking world.
13. I wish I had as many followers as you. #goals
14. I win when you get super pissed. Yaaaay.
15. If you can’t take the heat then what the fuck are you doing on the internet?
16. I LOVE IT WHEN YOU TYPE IN ALL CAPS LIKE IT’S GONNA MAKE ME STOP MESSING WITH YOU. I GOT ALL NIGHT. BRING IT ON.
17. Everyone’s a little bit sexist if you dig deep enough. Am I right, or?
18. I’m using my neighbor’s WiFi to troll. Very lol.
19. I spend about 40 hours a week on the internet. The rest of the time I watch documentaries on Netflix and sleep. But you know what I really want? A job. Or friends. Whichever really...
20. I’m not going to reason with you and your logical, thoughtful arguments because you probably live at least 400 miles away from me, maybe even on the other side of the world and therefore, you don’t count in my life. Sorry, but I have no emotional attachment to you. You have your own damn life. Log off and live it. BURN.
