17 Signs You're Heading Towards A Quarter Life Crisis
A quarter life crisis can be defined as the period in your early twenties when you realize that everyone around you seems to have their shit sorted out while you're still living like a teenager. Apart from the bottle of vodka in your hand and the mountain of undone college assignments in front of you obviously. This is totally normal and it'll usually just go away with more vodka. Read on to see how many boxes you tick that confirm you are on the way to having the mother of all "where the f*ck is my life going?" meltdowns at 3am some stage this weekend...
1. "What Are These Savings You Speak Of?"
You're sitting over pints in the student bar when that bitch Niamh suddenly goes, "Yeah but like, I have my savings in case that falls through, but I don't really wanna touch it cos of my Masters." Eh, wha? Savings? Masters? The only reason I'm here sipping this pint is because I found a ripped fiver somewhere that I sellotaped back together. Shit.
2. One-Night Stands
The people around you are slowly having less of them. Suddenly, the once-funny story is actually met with sympathetic faces. Huh? Is it bad that I don't know the name of the last person I had sex with? When did this stop being grand and when did everyone start pairing up like Richard and fucking Judy? We're 22, not 52 like.
3. You Have Cried In A Pub Loo Recently For No Reason
Alcohol brings out the best and worst in us. It also brings out all of those fears and worries you've been suppressing and you end up sitting on the toilet floor of some grotty bar crying about how you "have no plan." Welcome to the quarter life crisis.
4. You Can't Cook To Save Your Life
Ok, moment of truth here: I moved out for the first time a few months ago and I actually googled "how to boil an egg" as I had had enough of eating stale crackers for breakfast. Either keep putting it off and end up developing gout and not leave your apartment because you can't walk, or crack open a cook book and start attempting to be a grown-up.
5. Your Temporary Job Is Not So Temporary
Has your "part-time" job as a waitress in your local three years later turned into your full-time work? Sort your life out, please.
6. I.D.
Oh the days when you'd be shitting yourself with your best mates sisters I.D going to some god-awful nightclub. Well, my friend, they are long over. Now if you're barefaced/haven't even got dressed up to go for a drink you never get asked for it. This is because you do not look 18 anymore.
7. You Have/Will Have An Arts Degree
There's two ways of looking at this. One, you have a general university degree that can give you time to figure out what you wanna do after, while you are doing it. Two, you graduate and are stranded and helpless, left to wander around unemployed with a second class honours degree in philosophy.
8. Your Mates
Never compare your life to your mates lives. Just don't even go there. While you're Instagramming your leftover pizza you're gonna eat for dinner, they are doing the same with their new cars/apartments/fancy holidays that they've paid for themselves as they are self-sufficient young adults.
9. You Don't Answer To "Madam" Or "Sir"
You hear stuff like "the lady will help us when she's ready" in work. Lady? Ladies have pleated skirts and a string of pearls. Or at least they've run a brush through their hair and have a clean bra on. But newsflash: you are not a teenager but an adult.
10. You Vs. Your Parents
"When I was your age..." shut up. Yes, when you were my age you were getting married and buying a house. They just have to accept that you'll probably still be living with them in ten years, single and broke. But at least you'll have a few degrees and will have backpacked around Australia. Who needs to grow up, really?
11. Sex
You suddenly are struck with the thought that you could be with the last person you're ever gonna sleep with. *starts hyperventilating*
12. Relationships Are Changing
Basically the same as above. You're starting to date older people. And "older" no longer means 22. It means late twenties. And people aren't (mostly) still bumming around then. College is over by then and people usually have more money and are thinking a little bit more long-term. And that freaks you the f*ck out.
13. Career Or Travel?...Eh, neither?
It's a tough spot when college is coming to an end. You can either take time out now and travel the globe and teach English abroad or live in the States for a year, or you can get a leg up on whatever it is you wanna do for the rest of your life. A lot of people end up planning to do one or the other and actually just doing neither. If that's you and you're starting to panic now that it's too expensive to travel but you have no idea what you wanna do career-wise, then you're definitely not alone.
14. Your Body
Your metabolism is no longer what it was when you were 17. It's a very sad thing. Suddenly those four takeaways from last week have made little rolls of fat that won't budge. Stop crying into your old high-waisted shorts that you last wore when you were 19. They won't fit you now because you do not have the body of a child any more. Simple as.
15. Your Siblings
Similar to "your mates." Your younger sister/brother has just got a really cool job offer. For a real job. Don't freak out. Be happy for them and use that as an incentive to figure your own shit out.
16. Shit I'll Be 40 One Day
This thought came to me on my 20th birthday. Cue a major meltdown and me religiously using my mothers anti-wrinkle cream for about a week. Then I realised 'hey, if I can't get drunk and eat processed food and basically ENJOY MY LIFE now then when can I?!' Realise this and you'll be a lot happier.
17. You're Reading This Right Now
Unless you stumbled upon this by accident/you're just reading it for the craic, then it might be sign number one that you're consciously or subconsciously aware that you've zero to show for your twenty-something years. But just relax. Everything has a weird way of working out and I promise, you won't feel this lost forever.
