I've done it...we've all done it...we will most certainly do it time and time again. But getting caught..oh there is nothing worse! When stalking a 'future' lover or that girl you hate on Facebook (because she went out with your current boyfriend 5 years ago and hasn't seen him since), there are moments when you get sloppy and let's face it you loose concentration. This is very dangerous! Be afraid...be very afraid! And if you are going on a night out with the girls....you will get very confident...you will say things like 'what's the harm in sending him a mail to see where he is?'...step away from your phone. STEP AWAY!

Some of you ladies may be surprised to hear that there are preventative apps to help stop those god awful drunken texts, such as Drunk Text Savior or Stop Contact. But when you're at home and all you want to do is have a creep around Facebook, read these Facebook Stalking Fails. These will remind us of what not to do in this situation.

1) THE FACE OFF

This has happened to me more times than I care to admit. You’re on a night out and you see that guy, or girl, you have stalked on Facebook. You’ve looked through their profile…seen their pictures…where they have been etc. I get introduced to the person and it slips out like word vomit…nobody can stop it…’I recognize you from Facebook?’, or, ‘You went to Thailand didn’t you?, or the dreaded, ‘You used to go out with Erica didn’t you?’. Queue the ultimate embarrassment and true tomato face. I have failed as a Facebook stalker. Therefore, I must remove myself from this situation and never approach them again!

2) THE BEFRIENDING FREAK

It’s a Sunday….I’m bored…it’s cold outside. All I want to do is snuggle up and watch every episode of The Mindy Project and Modern Family. While they are loading what else shall I do…oh yes: Facebook Stalk. So, I am creeping around, stalking here, there and everywhere, and as I look through the stalkee’s photos, I go onto one of their friends profiles. Then it happens…..you have added them as a friend…it was so clumsy…this must be rectified! I press back in a panic to press the ‘unfriend’ button but then that beep, that usually brings me happiness, goes off. I’ve gotten a notification….NOOOOOOOO! They have accepted me! His friends will now know I have been on their profile…it is only a matter of time until they connect the dots.

3) THE STATUS REVEAL

This is the epic fail of all fails. You are going into the search bar to put in a name to stalk. You know of them…they may know of you….but there isn't enough material there to be ‘Friends’ on Facebook. So, off I go typing their name in and search. Oh that didn’t work…wait…’OH DEAR JESUS!’. I have put their name in my status update by mistake. I jump up, quicker than a 5 year old on Christmas Morning, and delete the status. Who has seen this, is not worth thinking about. I must just breath and hope none of their friends, that I know, didn’t just refresh their newsfeed.

4)THE TAGGING OF TERROR

So, another person that I am quite fond of Facebook stalking…let’s call him Jerry…is often on my mind when I am tagging my photos from the night before. Don’t ask me why…the mind is a very mysterious place. I begin to add my photos from the night before..I chuckle away as I upload the hilarious pics. But oh no….oh dear lord…I’ve tagged him in most of the photos by mistake. I only realised when I went back threw them. The cat is most certainly out of the bag. He knows…I must think of a plan at once. QUICKLY remove the tags and if it is ever brought up say it was a frape. And brush past why the fraper would have known about him.

5) THE MAIL MISHAP

You are creeping through a random girls’ profile on Facebook. You can see where they have been, and when they have gone there. But, oh, oh no, she is wearing the same dress I am wearing to that college ball next week. NOOO I had saved all my months wages…besides money spent on credit and chinese takeaways…to buy this amazing Aqua by Aqua dress. I must link this to my friend Jessica immediately she will know the right thing to say. Oh NOO NOO NOO NOO NOO…I posted it to Jessica’s wall in a panic. Delete…delete…DELETE!! It’s gone…okay breath a sign of relief. Let’s just pray nobody saw it.

6) THE EAGER BEAVER

This can happen to the best of us. The unintentional photo like can be a dark and deceiving thing. It can happen and you may never find out until you are told. It can happen and you realise moments later but the stalkee may be online and have seen this. It is just all too much! For those of us out there that are a stalker to the highest decorum please remember this: if you are not genuinely good friends with the person or a work associate the immediate comment is not a good look. If you do this while drunk….all you can do the next day is delete and have a little cry to yourself…worse things could have happened.

7) THE STALKER EXPOSED

This may have happened to you at least once during your college days in a lecture hall, or the library, either or it is never slick. In the privacy of your own home…stalk away…stalk until the cows come home..but do not under any circumstances keep your browser open with their Facebook on. It will not end well…I assure you. In the case that it does happen, and you can't leave, immediately close your laptop. Otherwise, simply get up and walk away.

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