7 Things We're NOT Looking Forward To this Winter

OK, we'll be honest, it's mostly about Christmas. It dominates the winter to be fair.

1) Christmas Jumpers

What was once a novelty, or even a nice family tradition, is now the bane of a quiet Christmas pint, and you can blame Penneys for that.

2) 12 Pubs of Christmas

Speaking of a quiet pint disturbed, can all you heathens take your 12 Pubs of Misery, Vomit & Loud Drinking Games off to Temple Bar and Wetherspoons where you're not disturbing the down-to-earth, honest-to-goodness drinkers of this country. This is the last time I'll ask nicely.

3) Christmas Parties

Can't I just have a quiet pint in peace? Office Christmas parties/drinks can be enjoyable, but no employee, manager or employer looks forward to what can be an awkward affair at the best of times. No one does, least of all the regular at the end of the bar reading his paper.

4) Cold Rain

Lookit, rain in the summer is poxy. But at least it's warm rain. And I mean, like your grandda says, you could do with a drop of rain when it's been sunny for a few hours. But rain in the winter time... You're guaranteed to come home with wet socks, that's all I'm sayin'.

5) Christmas FM

If Christmas FM played purely the hits and the classics plus Fairytale of New York once a day, we'd all be happy. But they'll persist with garbage like The Christmas Shoes and Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer.

6) Crowded Public Transport

To be fair, this is a year-round problem, but when you're wet and cold and you step onto the packed train in your "good jacket" and you're suddenly sweating and everyone's all up in your grill and then someone farts... Just no.

7) People Who Say They Hate Christmas

Humbug. We will change you. We have evidence that it can be done. Scrooge, in all his incarnations, changed. So did the Grinch. We have 97 days left to change your mind.