Why Alcohol Is Ruining Your Life

It seems to be the cultural norm - in Ireland anyway - to start drinking relatively early in life. I was a late bloomer. Excluding sips from my dad’s pint, I had my first proper drink at 16. The fact that having my first alcoholic drink at 16 makes me a “late bloomer” is worrying. Don’t get me wrong, I fucking love to drink. In fact, I definitely enjoy it too much. However, I am aware of the negative consequences of regular binge-drinking.

Think about it: I am 24. I spent five years in college. When I was 22, I went 6 months without alcohol. Apart from this short break, I have drunk (relatively heavily) on average once every week for five years. Now, I’m no scientific doctor, but that couldn't be good for me. Some people I know drink less than me. Then again, I know some people who drink an awful lot more. So here are a few reasons why alcohol is ruining your life...

• Health

“Your health is your wealth.” This, in my opinion, is the most important motto by which to live. Consumed responsibly, alcohol is not that bad for you. But let’s face it, no one reading this drinks alcohol responsibly.  Alcohol is terrible for your health, both physiologically and psychologically. Alcohol is a natural depressant. That’s why I can’t watch anything emotional when I’m hungover. I went to Toy Story 3 with a hangover and literally lost my shit crying. If you are trying to wean yourself off alcohol but, like me, have the will-power of a goat, my advice is to only drink beer.

• Money

This is simple. Alcohol is a complete waste of money. How can anyone justify spending €10 on a drink? They can't.

• Regret

Every person who has ever drunk alcohol can relate to this. You wake up. You have vague memories of fucking that girl in your politics class who looks like David Hasselhoff. You spent half your rent money. You have an assignment due tomorrow. You ask yourself: “Why the fuck did I drink last night?” Sound familiar? Yeah, join the fucking club. And yet, you will do it all over again in seven days time.

• Addiction

Now I know what you’re all thinking: this is a dark enough statement. But it is a very real possibility. If you feel you have become dependent on drink you should go to an AA meeting. Or, get a girlfriend. They seem to help people get their shit together.

• Sex, Drugs & Rock ‘n’ Roll

I will be the first to admit it. These are the finer things in life. But, they have also been the downfall of many a gentleman. Alcohol tends to complement these things exceptionally well. Tread carefully.

Rudolph’s Advice:

• Either stick to beer on nights out or cut down on the frequency of your drinking.
• Leave your credit card at home. Bring out €x. Hide a twenty quid note under the mat for a taxi. You can thank me later.
• Hugs not drugs.
• Get a girlfriend/boyfriend: you won’t go out as much, you won’t waste as much money and you will get the ride more.

Heed my advice and magical things will begin to happen.

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