Boyfriends Aren't Real

We've all heard the lengthy sigh of our female friend, followed by 'I just, like, need to be spooned. I want a boyfriend'. I'm gonna strip things down a few layers(raunchy), right down to the word boyfriend. Imagine this, you have just woken up from a magical sleep, its 2013, you are 21, single and the world is laid out in front of you. Now I'm not saying its the first thing you'll be confused by, but its gotta be up there, you're going to wonder what this mystical 'boyfriend' figure is. The one every single girl whimsically whispers about. I think we all need to take a deep breath and maybe, just maybe, recognise that this 'boyfriend' does not exist. The image you have conjured up, of a champion spooner, always-texts-you-backer with an unreal bod, simply isn't real. 'Prince Charming' and 'Boyfriend' are fictional characters that us hunzos in our twenties are holding up as beacons of hope. Umm... Can we do something else please?

This doesn't just apply to Irish girls, it has its own effect on the lads. They're scared of the 'boyfriend'. The 'boyfriend' lifts more than them, the 'boyfriend' is romantic, the 'boyfriend' doesn't fart in bed. He's making them all look bad, they're pale in comparison to the imaginary relationship we're in in our heads. Actual boyfriends, real life ones, aren't perfect, they fuck up all the time. Imaginary boyfriends, don't. And herein lies the issue, no real life boy is ever, ever going to live up to the expectations we have created. Because real life boys, have real life weaknesses, they forget things, they get drunk, they make mistakes but maybe they'll be ok at spooning? This is very very disappointing to the average young lady, so we've just kind of, ignored it... Girls don't want real boyfriends, girls want their imaginary one to suddenly morph into reality, and they're willing to moan about it for years and years, until they eventually just settle on a real life boy who is semi ok. What a waste of time...

This whole 'I need a boyfriend' seems like stage one of how to completely self-destruct and ruin your own life. How about, we stop imagining boyfriends and start imagining what it would feel to own your own business. How about, we stop pretending we're lonely, you aren't lonely, you're bored. Stop being bored. If you're lonely go and change things, move places, do things you wouldn't normally do. Skydive, scuba dive, ski, and find whatever it is that's going to remind you that you're alive. We get one life, one. Repeat. One life. I'm not wasting mine sitting around the arts block moaning about my relationship status. Get up, move, go to the gym, book a flight, create yourself. We're putting more effort into creating our image of an ideal man than creating ourselves.
I'm rebelling against relationships. Don't be in a relationship with an figment of your imagination, don't be in a relationship with a real life disappointment, calm down and stop rushing yourself. Dance your pants off, drink shots, never forget your girls and just let yourself have FUN.

Young, Fun, and Single. Live it, breathe it, be it.