Bromo Sapiens: The 9 Friends Every Man Has In College

We meet a lot of new people in college. We all have different friends for different situations. Here is the definitive list of all the strange individuals whom we label as our friends during our brief stint in college...

1. The Shit Talker

This is the friend you have that shares your lack of enthusiasm for being an actual human being. The two of you just kind of sit around talking about girls you supposedly fingered during the summer. This friend is good for relatively little. However, they are a great distraction from real life.

2. The Pulling Partner

I have had the same one since I was 15. He is a buzzer. Together we have laid waste to many a woman. Choose this friend wisely. You should help each other get girls. Not compete. I would honestly take a bullet for my pulling partner. This is the mentality you need to employ.

3. The Drinking Buddy

This friend is different to the pulling partner, although they are easy to mix up. The drinking buddy is the friend you get in touch with only for nights out. He is the friend that encourages you to get violently fucked up. Years later it will transpire that this friend is tragically a raging alcoholic.

4. The Gym Bro

This position will always hold a sacred place in my heart. A gym bro is someone who makes sure you don’t break you neck at the gym. He should also act as a friendly rival. Your relationship is competitive. It is very common for your pulling partner and your gym bro to be the same person.

5. The Academic Amigo

I didn’t have one of these.  But, they tend to wear glasses and look like massive dorks.

6. The Cyber Friend

This is the friend that you actually really like but don’t see much of anymore. Unfortunately, you're both way too lazy to meet up in real life. You contact each other sporadically. You like each other’s shit on Facebook. Every year, on your birthdays you tell each other you have to see each other soon... It never happens though.

7. The Stoner

This friendship tends to manifest itself in the early stages of your college life. This is the guy you get stoned off your tits with while watching ridiculously stupid videos on YouTube.

8. The Old Friend

This is usually your best friend. You know everything about each other. You are fully aware that you are both complete freaks. You have been by one another's side for everything. This is the person you can trust for really deep shit like family issues and stuff like that...

9. The Love of Your Life

This is the only friend on the list that isn't a dude. You have not and never will have sex. Years later you will describe her to your grandchildren (who won’t be listening) as; “The one that got away”.

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