How to Cope With Being The Only Single Friend
Picture the scene: one minute you're surrounded by the most amazing friends imaginable, you go out, you get hammered, you can sit around in your jammies all day talking absolute shite, you go on the pull, basically you do everything together. And why not? It's college baby! But then something changes. Suddenly there seems to be another human like shadow attaching themselves to your bff. Overnight your best lad has gone from thinking farts are hilarious to going all gooey eyed and mushy over some moth. Sometimes even your guy and girl friends hook up, a very fact that you find revolting. It's not so long until you are....... The Only Single Left. Fear not, my solitary friend, for I am here to guide you through this most distressing time.
Practice Your Caring Face
Obviously a new relationship is a wonderful experience but even the most patient of us can get sick of listening about how "Mary's got a great arse" or how Johnny's captain of the rugby team. Before you give into to the urge to stab your bestie in the face with the nearest fork -breathe. Go to your happy place and practice being deeply interested while completely tune out. Smile and nod and insert an "Aww" or "Really?" every once in a while. They're probably too busy gushing about how good their other half smells to notice you're not listening anyways.
Get A Teddy
Get a stuffed toy of some variation. Rob your little brothers. Dig out Mr. Snuffles from the attic. Steal one off a random child passing by. Everyone needs something to cuddle and whoever said it has to be human?
Have Girl/Boy Time
Have a girl/boy night out, no other halves invited. Make it a regular thing if you wish. Anytime anyone mentions their respective ball and chain they have to by the next round on shots. You get your old friends back for the night AND you're guaranteed free booze. Did someone say Jaeger Bombs?
Avoid Their P.D.A's (Public Displays of Affection)
Even the most strong stomached among us would get sick at the sight of any couples overate affection for on another. Avert your eyes and count from one to ten, if the gross public misconduct does not cease; gently pour some cold water over their heads to quickly remind them of your existence.
Make Your Own P.D.A's
You are young, beautiful and free. All your hot friends are shacked up immediately eliminating competition. You go get the shift goddamit!
Rule That Third Wheel
When played correctly, third wheeling can be an extremely amusing experience. Tell embarrassing stories to that new beau, causally mention how he picks his toenails or how she still has sex dreams about her old History teacher. Then sit back with your popcorn and watch the drama unfold.
Use Your Slagging Rights
As the best friend and perennial singleton you have complete and utter piss taking rights over any couple that may form. A creative frape here and there can keep things amusing or even an imitation of their ridiculous behavior could light up your evening. Overall a simple comment of how "whipped" they are never fails.
Be Your Own No. 1
Boyfriends, girlfriends, mates and teddy bears may come and go but you're the only that will stick around with you for the rest of your life. So be good to yourself, treat yourself, because you are amazing and you deserve it! You don't need no man/woman to be happy. You are a strong independent person and, lets face it, you only have about ten to fifteen years before you start to go all saggy anyways. Go forth and be fabulous!