Copious Amounts Of Alcohol: Here's How To Handle Your Heartbreak In College

They say breaking up is easy, but clearly, they have no fucking idea what they're talking about. You're better off without them, sure, but that's not making the ache in your heart go away. That's not helping you get laid on a semi-regular basis. Words don't hold you when you've had a shit day or bring you a cup of tea when you're so hungover that blinking hurts your soul. Summer loving had me a blast, but now summer's over and so too is the feeling of being wanted and loved. So how does one go to college and act as though you've got it all sorted? How to act as if you don't have a single, teeny care in the world? I'll tell you how. Here's how to handle your heartbreak in college:

Keep as socially busy as is humanly possible.

I'm not suggesting that you join multiple societies and become that person because let's face it, you still want to have some level of self-admiration at the end of the day. Unless, of course, you are one of those society folks in which case, please never contact me. What I'm saying is that you should attend as many house parties as is humanly possible, where you'll get to cut loose, meet new people, possibly hook up with said people and above all, you'll get to be young and fun and live up the student lifestyle.

Cut down on all social media stalking of said ex.

Yeah, yeah I get that you're curious and 'just want to see that they're doing ok too', but get a grip on your life here. You're not together now and obsessive investigation of what they ate last night isn't going to help you in your quest to move on. Block, unfollow and just take a little more pride in yourself because honestly, fuck the nine girls who liked his new profiler, they wouldn't be quite so quick to do so were they familiar with his teeny weeny. (Not even sorry.)

Maintain a cool, calm facade around all other human beings (apart from your nearest and dearest, of course).

It might be taking every bit of your self-control to not tell everyone within a seventeen-mile radius about the self-centered shit that he was in bed. About how you sometimes actually queried his friend's mental capacity and how a voucher is not an adequate Birthday present, but you know what? Hold your silence. Retain some dignity. Be strong. Be proud. Fake it 'til you make it (you should be used to that anyway) and save the lengthy bitching sessions for your long-suffering best friends. You'll thank yourself a few months down the road.

Discover alcohol, your new best friend and your worst enemy.

It's a love hate/hate love kind of thing. It helps you to loosen up, to have more fun and to put yourself out there. To shit talk the right ear off complete and utter strangers but at the same time, it's a cruel and cutting double edged sword because you'll probably wake up with some moonpig in your crusty bed with a banging headache and a seriously dehydrated body. But still, drink up. It's the way forward, I reckon.

Avoid your ex at all known costs.

Don't be the girl who 'casually' suggests going along to the bar where you know, you just KNOW he'll be hanging out. This is the equivalent of driving into a tornado in an open tractor while wearing a sundress; it's just bound to end in a complete shitstorm. There will be tears, tantrums, jealousy, things said that can never be unsaid and you'll drag your poor 'I just wanted to dance' friends into the middle of it all. AVOID.

Date like you've never dated before.

Get your little single ass on Tinder/ Plenty of Fish and organise some dates. Sure, they'll probably never materialise into anything (just saying), but if nothing else, it's a way of passing some time, of shifting your focus from one dickhead to the next and most important of all, it's a one way ticket to some lovin', if you catch my drift....

Finally, just remember that being in a relationship during college defeats the whole purpose of it all anyway.

So yes, your parents might disagree with me on this one (what's study?), but college is a time to discover new things. To discover yourself and what you like or don't like. To meet new and exciting people outside of your regular circle and if I'm honest, being tied down in college usually prevents you from doing that, so celebrate this time. Put yourself out there, push yourself outside of your comfort zone. Put on your best clothes. Flirt, have fun and above all, forget about them, because they aren't worth any more tears, or time, for that matter.