Don't Bother Calling: The 8 Stages Of Losing Your Phone
A few summers ago I was in Paris with my then boyfriend. On the bus ride back to the airport he told me I'd lose my phone - I was wearing these short shorts with no pockets - so he'd look after it. Later on after checking in I asked him for my phone... and it's gone. Suffice to say it did not help a dying relationship. My whole life was on that phone, so my life fell apart without it. Here all the stages that you could go through after losing your phone.
1) Denial
You just had it like five minutes ago! How could it be gone?? No, no, no. It has to be here. It was JUST here. I'm sure it's here, just hiding. Maybe it's back on the bus? Maybe someone will pick it up and return it? There's still some good people out there, right?
2) PANIC STATIONS!
You know in the movies, when people go into a frenzy and knock everything off the table and start throwing random objects? THAT Is you. And that is not great in an airport. I'm pretty sure all the security guards were eyeing me up, wondering why I was running around, moving people's stuff and heading in and out of the bathroom every two minutes. Not to mention speaking very loud to yourself about how nobody respects your things ever!
3) Everything is Lost!
That cute video I took with my sister. All my holiday photos. That perfect playlist I put together. All of the texts and numbers! I Knew I should have backed everything up!! Why didn't I do that?? Why did I trust him to keep it safe?? Could whoever have it right now be creeping through all of my entire life?? Why do bad things happen to good people??
4) Maybe You Can Fix This....
I have GPS on my phone, I could track it? But wait, the battery was running out. I can't even call it!!! Could I leave my information here in Paris? Is there any chance someone could post it back to me? Maybe It's in his pocket still and he's just an idiot. Or maybe he dropped it on the way from the bus? Detective time, calmer now, more thorough. Maybe those security guys who keep looking at me know something.....or maybe they are thinking about taking me away...
5) You Run Out Of Time!
The plane is boarding, I've run out of time. It's gone, I'm phoneless and defeated. It's time to head home with that useless lump that may soon be an ex-boyfriend. All I can do know is let everyone know via Facebook that I am phoneless and how they should feel very sorry for me.
I knew I should have gotten insurance!
6) You Plot Revenge
Imaginary only. There's little I could do from a plane, except keep calling it until the fucker who took it answers. Then let rain a tirade of abuse while I search for it on GPS. I'd track its every move the second he turns it on, let the police know and make sure it plays an annoying sound. Except of course I forgot to install any such app and the phone never turned on again. Clever little phone stealing prick.
7) Realise It's Not The End Of The World
It's not like I can't get another phone - and to be fair the ex-boyfriend did replace it - and I did have a lot of media backed up. So that prick who kept it and didn't turn it in is stuck with my blocked two-year-old disaster with 3 hours battery life. There are worse things in the world, like breaking up with someone.
8) How Did People Makes Plans Before Phones?
Seriously, making plans to meet up with someone was tough, I had to use a landline. Granted I could use Facebook, but what about when I'm away from my laptop? However, at least this way no phone means no calls, no texts, no emails, no notifications, no annoying emergency alerts. I can sit at home and relax. I totally need that after that emotional rollercoaster...and breaking up with someone.