The Emotional Life Cycle Of An Irish Person On St Patrick's Day

St Patrick's Day comes but once a year, and like Christmas, Hallowe'en and Easter - Irish people get extra hammered on this beautiful holiday. Every Irish person has at least one good story about a St Patrick's Day of their time, many a legend is born and many a child conceived. It's a true test of strength, skill and endurance and below are some emotions you might feel this weekend.

Eagerness

Waking up on St Patrick's Day as an adult resembles Christmas Day as a child. You can't wait to hop out of bed and call all your friends to see what they got from the Off Licence the night before (couldn't possibly wait until the day itself for fear that all the alcohol in the country would be sold out)

Excitement

You have butterflies in your stomach as you head to Centra for a breakfast roll and see the city a flush with different shades of green. Streamers, balloons and good old fashioned crepe paper have lit up the city and the sound of traditional music echos in your ears alongside 15 year olds screaming and the feint sound of 'leave it ouh' wherever you go.

Apprehension

Your friends arrive over to yours for a few Paddys Day settlers. Captain Morgan, Jack Daniels, Jose Crevo and Johnny Walker Red all settle themselves at your table; when these men show up before noon, you know trouble is close behind. Your friends faces are painted and Riverdance is playing from the iPod doc... You push the apprehension firmly out of your head and crack open your first cold beer.

Skepticism

It's now 1.30 and the sound of your friend puking in the toilet is muffled only by a loud discussion outside about which was worse for the country's morale; Micky Joe Heart or Jedward. You begin to think that you might be the last one standing before you even leave the house and so try to get the troops moving.

Frustration

Getting everyone out the door has taken hours. 'Let's go, let's go, let's GO!' You have to go to such lengths as turning off whatever Phil Lynott song is blaring from the station only to get 'HEEEYYYYY! What are you doing that was the BEST BIT!' Finally you manage to get everyone out the door and onto the crowded streets of town.

Complete Unconditional Love

Wow. How could you have ever been worried. This is literally the best day of your life. You're moving from pub to pub, having the chats, gripping each other and singing Galway Girl, you love these people so much. You're telling each other how great you all are, how close you all are and how you'll be mates for life. Would you like another drink? Yes! Should we do a shot? Hell yes! Come out for a smoke? Of course! Move to the next pub? Why not! Everything is going swimmingly.

Patriotism

The moment when you're outside the pub and hoards of people are going by, pints everywhere, hugs for all and suddenly The Fields Of Athenry comes on and everyone stops to sing. You grip everyone around you and hold up your pint like it's a medal of honour. You're Irish, you're with your friends and you're proud. You've made friends with the old man, the wild mother, the rugby jock, the overly enthusiastic foreign girl... You just know you'll all be friends forever.

Perseverance

You've now been drinking for eleven hours straight, you've noticed the group number is dwindling and realise that some people have pulled a Houdini and made an Irish exit. Fuckers. This day is not finished by any means, you buy 6 jager bombs and hand them out to anyone around you. You're not sure what pub you're in, your phone battery is gone and you're pretty sure you've misplaced your bank card but you have no fear, you still have plenty of steam in the tank, it's time to dance, you're going to a club!

Denial

Everywhere was too full, despite you explaining that your Grandad had a cap for Ireland and that your Mum met Liam Neeson once and he said she was lovely. The bouncers don't seem to understand how good of a dancer you are, even after your display it for them. You remember someone saying there was an after party not too far from where you are, you hop in a taxi and motor on, asking the taxi man to stop in the next off licence to which he laughs. What time is it anyway...?

Anger

You get to the party and there are 2 people asleep on the couch, one person in the fetal position on the floor, 3 people sitting at the table smoking joints talking about what it would be like to add a digestive biscuit to a big mac and you feel frustrated. Where is the party?! Where is the Irish Spirit?! You search the kitchen and find half a bottle of gin and some Fanta, perfect! Ain't no stopping you!

Exhaustion

You feel your eyes getting heavy and realise you haven't taken a sip of your drink in about 40 minutes. You just had a little day dream about your bed and all you want know is to feel your head on your pillow...

Defeat

Time to go home. Best Day Ever.