Everything We've Been Hearing About A 'Snowy Easter' Is Utter Nonsense

Since the 'Beast from the East' and it's entirely underwhelming sequel, the 'Beast from the East 2.0' - the Speed 2: Cruise Control to the 'Beast from the East's Speed - Ireland's fascination with the weather has entered a new level of unsustainable frenzy. Or at least you would think so, given how many articles have been written about the subject. You've probably seen at least some of them, dozens - hundreds of the pricks - have been frantically churned out by media outlets throughout the land, speculating that Ireland is set to become a desolate tundra fit only to be inhabited by yetis, penguins and several communities of particularly hardy Inuits.

Before going any further, I must make a confession. I am not a weatherman. You show me an isobar chart and my face will be a blank sheet of incomprehension, much like if you were to try show an episode of The Apprentice to a horse. Both I and this fictive horse would be out of our depths, bemused and confounded by what we are presented with and certainly, in the case of the horse at least, what on earth the purpose of being shown these things was. That said, I know how to Google 'Irish weather'.

Neither Met Éireann, nor the Norwegian weather-forecasting website, yr.no - that I have used ever since, as a 12 year-old, an uncle insisted to me that it was the only legitimate source I should use to check the weather - mention that there will be anything resembling snow making its way Ireland-wards over the Easter weekend. The current Met Éireann report on their website about the Easter weekend says;

"Present indications point to cool weather, with moderate northeast to northerly breezes. Some dry, bright spells each day, but cloudy periods too, with some passing showers. Cold at night, with frost in many places."

'Cool weather'. 'Cool'. Such is the extent of the ludicrous hyperbolisation of weather events, in the wake of some snow having made its way to Ireland in the recent past, that, through the sensationalist prism of internet media, this has been translated to meaning that a Day After Tomorrow-esque blizzard is on its way to engulf the country.

If you would like to get your hot scoop on what exactly is gonna be happening, meteorology-wise, round this neck of the woods, then just go to a website whose entire raison d'etre is to provide weather forecasts as accurately as they possibly can. If you would care to keep getting your weather updates from non-meteoroligical services, then here are some sources as equally trustworthy as sensationalist, click-baited weather headlines;

• Asking someone sitting at a bus-stop what they think the weather might be like.
• Performing a seance with the spirit world and gleaning their advice.
• Creating a dice with various weather phenomenon listed on its sides and just seeing what your own result is.
• Divining the weather from the entrails of a rooster, like how a pagan would.