The Lads Guide To Getting The Shift On A Night Out
It's never easy is it lads? You leave pre-drinks with the best of intentions, you feel full sure the night is there for the taking, but alas, you leave the club empty handed. So we at CollegeTimes have put together a guide for all you fellas out there having trouble getting results with the fairer sex.
Wingman
Having a wingman is essential, just make sure he's not too good looking. Although an attractive wing man does come in handy, stick him on a fishing rod and dangle him over the dancefloor. If that doesn't work throw some chum out and try again.
Dancing
Make sure your dancing is on point. Make sure to break out all the classics, we're talking big box little box, paint the ceiling, stack the shelves. Get those index fingers out and pointing. Jumping up and down with the lads in a big circle when House Of Pain comes is also a surefire way to get the ladies' attention.
Singing
It's no harm to let loose with a few bars on the dancefloor if the feeling takes you. If you know all the words to Teenage Dirtbag, Galway Girl or Hey Ya, any girl will be putty in your hands.
Attire
Always a tough decision before heading out. You could go full 'Peacock' and wear something outrageous, though you also have to have the personality to boot. My advice is wear something dark because by the end of the night there will be stains. Fake tan & lipstick if you're lucky, beer and vomit if your not. Also you'll save time on ironing as it's hard to see creases on a black shirt.
Pick Up Lines
Get your pick up lines ready and rehearsed. My favourites are', 'come on it's 3 o clock, the place closes in 10', 'Bag of chips?' & of course the timeless old chestnut, 'will you shift me?'. You can have that one for free.
Lip Reading
Learn how to lip read. This is a skill worth honing. Many a nights have been spent listening to a potential 'meet' and not having the faintest notion what the hell she is talking about. There's only so many times you can nod your head and say "'yeah, spot on," before she starts to get suspicious.
Smoking
Take up smoking. Smoking areas are usually the only place in a club you can have a conversation with someone. Sure, it dramatically increases the risk of cancer but lookit, we're here for a good time not a long time.
Grooming
Shave that smeg off! If you can't grow a proper beard don't halfarse it. No woman wants a combination of peach fuzz and bristles giving her a rash at two in the morning. Don't overdo it on the gel here's a handy video to show you how much is too much.
Also Lynx Africa is not an acceptable deodorant for a college student, you're not 15 anymore.
Pretend To Be Foreign
Women like exotic things. Borrow your sisters fake tan, learn a few French phrases, bring a croissant. C'est facile.
Conversation
Keep it light. She doesn't want to hear about the impending nuclear war between North Korea & the US. Try the Great British Bake Off, or kittens.
Be Yourself
I'll finish with the age old adage, be yourself. Unless you're a bit weird, then be someone else. Someone cool.