How Geordie Shore Has Ruined Our Lads

In 2011, Geordie Shore came into our lives in a storm of controversy and bad publicity. People love to hate the popular reality TV show and while it is widely considered complete trash TV  it still attracts hundreds of thousands of viewers every week. While it is clear that these gobshites can be incredibly entertaining, how is it that they have actually managed to influence an entire generation of previously nice, humble lads and turn them into a shower of vain, obnoxious tools is beyond me. This is my definitive guide to diagnose your mates with the psychological illness, unfortunately I can't help with the treatment.

Arrogance

Confidence is key, arrogance is walking into a church and expecting the altar to bow to you. Lads get your head straight, while you think you may get on TV one day, you probably (most definitely) will not. You do not deserve special treatment in any shape or form, if anything, you need some treatment.

Clothes

While taking pride in your appearance is something every man must do, wearing clothes that would make Lady Gaga shy is a complete no no. I couldn't give a shit if you go to the gym 4 times a day and your best ever bench is a four digit number, if any girl can see your nipples in a t shirt, evaluate your life.

Hair

At this stage every barber in the Pale is on autopilot, short back and sides, short back and sides, short back and sides. If you've spent more time on your combover then you Leaving Cert. you most certainly fall into the " I JUST WANT A BE FAMOUSSSS! category. Tone it down lads we are all not out here to copy each other.

Intelligence

While you may have gotten a three digit figure in your Leaving Cert, stumbling around Harcourt begging birds to go back to your parents house is just plain out retarded. Remember people judge you by your actions and not by your looks and if your actions make you look like you got dropped on your head as a baby then you may need to shut up shop and start again.

Wifebeaters

If your in a sunny climate that exceeds 25degrees by all means rock the wifebeater, if its 16 degrees and you fancy a walk on Dun Laoghaire pier, wear sleeves! I don't care if you want a show off what god gave (or pro-hormones) wait until it's an appropriate time to do so and then you can spend the next 3 years using it as your Facebook profiler. You see, everyone wins!

Tanning Beds

We may have had a couple days of brief sun over the last week but walking around looking like you've spent the last 4 months in sunny Spain drenched in tanning oil makes you stick out like a nun in Anne Summers. Keep it pasty boys, you're not fooling anyone!

Vocabulary

Whether you're on Facebook or at the bar in Village, sounding like a tool makes you look like a tool. No girl wants to be "bucked" and any group of lads who think they are in a "buck squad" needs to have a sit down withe their mammies and evaluate their life. You're not Gaz and even if you were, I'm pretty sure no one over the age of 14 thinks you're funny anymore