So Long, Dry January: How To Ensure A Successful Night Out

Hello, Moist February! No? Okay then. Many people have been in social hibernation since the end of the festive season and are only now beginning to emerge from under their rocks, dying to get back on that drunken horse. You may have forgotten the correct procedure - maybe you never knew - but here's a helpful checklist anyway, to ease you back into the sauce.

1) Charge your phone

Forgetting to charge your phone before a night out is a classic schoolboy error. It leaves you vulnerable to separation from friends and being stranded in the back-arse of nowhere with no memory how you got there.

2) Line your stomach

Ensure you don't get too demented after this extended period of sobriety. Make sure you've got plenty of soakage in your stomach before drinking the sweet nectar of the gods.

3) Look fly

Hold up, before you get your drink on you need to be sure you're looking your best. This is the first time since Christmas you've crawled out of your own personal cave, it's your social debut of 2K15, you need to look presentable dammit.

4) Start early

Make the most of your night out by starting early, blaring tunes and getting some drinking games going.

5) Decide on a location before leaving

This way you'll save valuable time which could be better spent getting down than walking around. So quit horsing around and be decisive, dammit.

6) Eat and hydrate afterwards

Take the sting out of recovery day by getting some food into your system and washing it down with a fuck-tonne of water. Keep a glass of water by your bedside as well, you'll thank yourself for it in the morning.

7) Make no plans for the next day

You need that time to sleep and/or wallow in hungover agony, while remembering why you stopped drinking for the last month.