The Motions Of A Sunday Hangover

The pounding head, the aching limbs, the bloated stomach and the teeth that feel like fur.

And your mind..  Did that conversation happen? Did you push Sorcha down the stairs? Did Cian call you a Bitch?

It's all a blur. 

Your voice feels hoarse.

You reach for your phone and see that you smashed the screen. To be fair that can easily happen.

Missed calls and texts a plenty can be made out through the remaining shards of screen.

Shane.. the ex.

'R U OK?' 4.25 am.

Sent texts to him include 'I miss you' 1.45 AM

'Come out and let's catch up like old times' 1.52 AM

'Whyyyy are you ignoring me?' 2.15 AM.

You don't read on, it's depressing.

You try and go back to sleep but you just can't. You see we are only recently copping on to the fact that drinking 6 cans of red bull means you wake up the following morning, or in-fact about two hours after you got in, with no chance of getting back to sleep.

At times like this it's not good to expect too much of yourself.

Let's start small.

You were lucky enough to stumble into bed, in these harsh circumstances you can at least give yourself a small gold star. Many have fallen at this hurdle.

Many's the parent who has woken up on a Sunday morning to see their child crumpled up in a ball on the kitchen floor.

As your mind is in an extremely gentle state we're going to give you baby steps on how to handle these next few hours.

First thing -

Have a glass of water. It might seem like an effort. Upon finishing it you might even feel like you are getting re-drunk, where all the alcohol in your system gets re-hydrated and comes back to life. This wont last long. Make a cup of tea afterwards or a strong coffee. Take 2 Neurofen plus.

 

Go into the bathroom.

The initial phase of this visit we shall leave to your imagination. Drop the kids off at the pool if you can. You will feel much better. If you're a girl smear your face in cleanser-and try and get the black stuff off your face. You will look scary in the process. Step into the shower and don't emerge for at least fifteen minutes and until every smoking area pong and hairsprayed inch of you is thoroughly cleansed.

Moisturize and dress.

Your dehydrated skin will lap up any sort of cream you put on it, indulge it.

Dress yourself in anything that's clean.

Pig out. There is something quite comforting in being hungover in that as long as you are awake, not much else can be expected of you. We've all been there and we all know that expecting anything productive from you is going beyond reasonable behaviour. A decent plate of grub is necessary, and by that we mean 4 sausages, 4 rashers, pudding, 2 eggs any style, a few rounds of toast and whatever else you can find that looks fryable. If you want to go the more continental route - speed dial a chinese or thai. Get it all into you.

You will feel somewhat better.  After all that savory you might also want some chocolate to finish it off and if you wash it down with a can (or 2) of Coke you will benefit from the caffeine. Feel no guilt and throw all good intentioned healthy eating plans out the window on this the day of hang.

Veg out in front of the TV. Take it easy here again. Nothing too challenging for that delicate brain. No to politics, news, anything deeply violent or very sad. If the Lonely Planet gets to intense, switch it over. Those animals can be nasty sometimes. Stick to rom-coms, Simpsons and endless episodes of Friends on a loop. E4 is generally decent hangover fare. They understand what their viewers want. Peruse Facebook if you must, de-tag and send nasty messages to anyone who posts a less than flattering photo of you. Take more painkillers if necessary.

Breathe a sigh of relief. You have made it through the day.

At this stage you might well be feeling almost human. You actually might make it through the rest of the day. You can feel your breathing returning to normal, you don't feel sick anymore hopefully. In fact things are just about OK.

If a text happens to come in alerting you to Sunday night drinks, don't even think twice.

Agree, put your game face and glad rags on and get out the door. Do it all again.

Wake up the next day and repeat steps 1-5 again.

You will probably spend the rest your entire student life doing a rotation of the following steps.. but you'll only regret it if you don't.

Happy Hangover(s)