Widespread Shock As NUIG Student Pulls Essay Out Of Arse At Last Minute
There were shockwaves throughout NUIG's campus at lunchtime today as well known session moth Paula Brady managed to pull an entire 10,000 word essay out of her arse at the eleventh hour.
Ms Brady who is in the third year of a media studies course had 'not done a tap of study' for the essay which counts as 50% towards her final grade:
I'm as surprised as anyone else. I came into my lecture absolutely hanging from the night before. To be honest, I'd forgotten that we even had an essay due. Then the lecturer, Mr. Hayes starts asking everyone to hand up their work. I was brickin' it.
Brady goes on to explain in graphic detail how she came to pull a completely coherent and properly formatted report on the Media Representation of the Rwandan Genocide:
Then I felt my stomach groan, I thought here's the kebab and the ungodly amount of cider I drank last night. I got up and my guts were churning. I knew I wasn't going to make it to the jacks so I just let fly.
Everyone was watching, I was mortified, but something felt different. So I reached down behind my jeans and started rooting around. I felt this thick binded document. So I gave it a yank and out it popped.
The 23-year-old also admitted that she didn't know what genocide was and when pushed to show Rwanda on a map of the globe she incorrectly picked out Roscommon.
Robert Hayes who has lectured in NUIG for the past 15 years, spoke of his astonishment at Ms Brady's unusual feat:
I've never seen the like of it. After she shat out the paper I nearly fainted. Once all the hullabaloo had died down I gave the paper a good rinse under the tap and started reading. I couldn't get over how cogent her arguments were. I mean this is a student with a terrible attendance record and when she does come to class she sits at her laptop browsing Facebook. It was bizarrely adequate for something she literally pulled out of her arse at the last minute.