People You Should Avoid On Paddy's Day

Everybody loves St Patrick's day, No one really knows what they did for it last year but that's the whole point. Here's a list of people you should try to avoid on your Paddy's day shenanigans for the ultimate drinking day.

Your Parents

Let's face it, nobody wants to spend an entire day dedicated to drinking day with their rents. Mam and dad think you're away at college studying– not gearing up to get absolutely twisted on a Monday. It's best they don't see you laying into the cheapest bottle of wine from Aldi. Avoid them.

Americans

Every Irish person loves a bit of ethnic banter but America's passion for all things Irish means you might get trapped talking to someone who still believes in leprechauns. Avoid if at all possible, don’t get me wrong -we like Americans -we don’t want to be anywhere near them on St. Patricks day. "NO..We are not in anyway related nor do I know random members of your extended family".

The Guards

You'd almost feel sorry for these lads on St. Patricks day. The entire country is drinking themselves into an intense drunken state and they are supposed to impose some form of order. Nobody actually knows if you're actually allowed drink on the street on St Patrick's day but best try avoid them if at all possible. Avoid the guards with a crouching tiger, hidden naggin.

The Ticket Collector

This guy always ruins the party.  You can barely put your shoes on, never mind be a responsible human being ticket. Avoid those luminous coats in Dublin at all costs- and if they do catch you make sure you give them your friends name and address. You're drunk, confident and ain't nobody fining you.

Security Guy Guarding the Toilets

Copious amounts of drinking on the street means McDonald's toilets becomes very popular. They even employ some guy to turn you and your bursting bladder away on Paddy's day. The phrase "For customers only” may make you nearly pee your pants in anger. To avoid the toilet guy you must be extra sneaky but the relief is always worth it.

Anyone you are remotely attracted to

 This is a day for getting messy. If you put make-up on you were probably drunk. Paddy’s is a marathon session- its better to dress for comfort. While trying to get the shift is always a good idea on Paddy’s day its best to try to avoid that special someone  til evening- that way you’ll both be wasted and nobody cares that you have miniature irish flags painted on your face and are wearing some random piece of green plastic shite on your head. Shift away.