The Pre-Summer Panic Stations
It's that time of year again, we've got a few leaves on the trees, all the summer plans have been made and people are stressing about getting 40% in exams that if they worked all year for would be an absolute breeze, but we didn't, so we're buying enough Red Bull to make you hallucinate and we're forcefully jamming college-related rubbish into our pea sized skulls.
Yet, it's the preparation for our summer holiday that causes us to lose sleep at night and these are my definitive factors behind this pain in the arse.
Money
It's Spring, and shit has hit the fan, we're saving like that daft wagon in McDonalds EuroSaver ad. Since your parents, yet again, didn't include your summer holiday in the annual budget, you're out on the street selling your old clothes to tourists or you are forcefully stuffing CV's down every business owners neck. Yet with all these money problems in mind, you still continue to organise your summer as if you are Jordan Belfort.
Dumping the Girlfriend/Boyfriend
You guys may get along for 11 months and 14 days of the year but for 2 weeks what is the fun in being tied down. Everybody knows if you are in a relationship on holiday all that means is that you spend hours indoors watching Deal or No Deal and complain that the God-Damn Germans have nicked the sun beds. Ditch and upgrade my friends.
Pre-Tan
For years and years this problem only affected the fairer gender, but as every lad north of the equator has becoming 25% more effeminate since the arrival of reality TV, it has become an issue for all. To be fair, there is nothing sexier then looking like a leather hand bag when you're strutting your stuff down the beach.
Getting skinny/cut/lean/shred/just in general lighter then before.
Ahh, the daddy of all pre summer worries, when it gets to Spring I don't care if you're the least self-concious monkey in the jungle, you will find yourself in a gym or at least in a pair of runners. Since last summer, we've all managed to fill the nooks and crannies with Dominos, beer and battered mars bars. Until now that was fine because we could hide behind shirts, jeans and hoodies, but the moment you can buy a 99 without looking like a complete freak that means it's time to scramble around a Ben Dunne in a pair of shorts and a school jersey trying to find the 5:30pm spinning class.
