Why I Put My Jeans In The Freezer: A Confessional Piece

My name is Kyle Mulholland and I put my jeans in the freezer several times a week.

This may sound like madness to you at first, but I implore you, hear me out. I am nearly 6'5", I have a tiny 30 inch waist, and a tapering 34 inch leg; I am by all accounts a bizarre, spindly mutant of a man. Finding jeans to fit my ungainly frame isn't easy, I can't just shamble into Penny's and grab something off the rail, I have to search high and low. When I do find a pair that fits I feel like I've struck gold.

On top of this, I also have expensive taste, because I am a fancy man. My brand of choice, Cheap Monday, are anything but cheap. The scarcity and costs involved means that I need my jeans to last as long as possible and washing them shortens their lifespan drastically. It distorts their shape and fades the dye.

To keep them that little bit longer I don't stick them in the washing machine to clean them, I bag them up and place them in the freezer. I leave them in there for as long as 48 hours, and when they come out all the bacteria has died off, leaving them fresh and odourless.

Admittedly they can be a bit brisk when you put them on.

Before you shrug me off as a lunatic I'll have you know that the  CEO of Levi's Jeans endorses this method, and who knows more about jeans than him, fuck all people, I'd hazard.