Sh*t Tea Drinkers Do Vs Sh*t Coffee Drinkers Do
Do our hot drinks define us? Maybe. Maybe not. But there are certain elements (albeit generalised here) of both a tea and a coffee drinker's personalities that are easily definable. Can you function in the morning without a brew or do you get that mid afternoon o'clock slump..
Where you're happiest
Tea Drinkers: The couch, with a big warm open fire. You love a nice cuppa curled up watching the soaps after work, or whatever the last netflix series you're into is. Oh, and there's a biscuit in hand too..where there's tea there are always biscuits....or kit kats.
Coffee Drinkers: You're not really a couch person. You are happiest working away with a giant venti from 'bucks, or in a coffee shop or with a take out coffee and working on the go. You are prone to evening crashes when you have to rest on the couch but that doesn't make you a couch person...you're just recharging your batts! In fact you probably get bored sitting on the couch...
Who you lust after
Tea Drinkers: Although you like a good Lyons' or Barry's tea your dream aspiration is to move on to a person who really knows their teas. Milk and two sugars is so yesterday and you need someone, preferably English or who can act English. Someone like Colin Firth or maybe the slightly younger Daniel Craig or Kate Winslet.
Coffee Drinkers: An Italian Mafioso or someone who can play an Italian Mafioso, who also has good barista skills for some reason I'm sticking with actors as to maintain the comparison. Christian Bale is probably a good bet here. He'd throw himself into the part so much that you wouldn't know that he wasn't Italian. He may be a bit up and down in his personality though and his withdrawal symptoms may drain the life out of you. However, Batman ain't no tea drinker..that sir, is a no brainer.
Social life
Tea Drinkers: You tend to be dragged out kicking and screaming but once you're there you make the most of it. Often outdoing even the coffee drinkers with a crazy night out. It's from all the time of being so comfortable in your surroundings that you at first would prefer to stay in but once you catch those groovy beats you hit the dance floor as if you were born to do it.
Coffee Drinkers:: You're networking constantly. You're snappy and to the point when talking to people and generally get the information you want in seconds. You need minimum sleep after a night out. In the morning you blast up the nespresso machine and you're ready to go again.
Professionally
Tea Drinkers: You love a good 9-5 job, with a few tea breaks during the day of course. These breaks are the high point of your day, time to chat with everyone else about the plot line of last nights Eastenders or scowl at someone for giving away a plot line in Breaking Bad by accident even though you're only on season one and the TV show has been through 5 seasons and is no longer in production. Keep up man, Game of Thrones is the new fad.
Coffee Drinkers:You are fuelled up to the last battery cell and by 10 AM you have an average days work done. You don't intend to climb the corporate ladder so much as Spiderman your way up the ranks, leaping past everyone in one move. You have no time for the chit chat about Breaking Bad and the only throne you're interested in is the one your fat cat CEO is propped up on. It will be yours, it will be yours.
What the future holds.
Tea Drinkers: You know your limit and will always come back to you brew but you will dabble in a little coffee experimentation from time to time. However it may cause havoc with your regular schedule so dabbling is all you will do.
Coffee Drinkers: Weaning yourself off the coffee because you realise you wont last til 40 without having a heart attack but you'll never find that rush again.
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