Stealing Happiness From Tomorrow: What Those Drinks Did To You Today
Drinking, we all know we're just stealing happiness from tomorrow. But we do it anyway. It always seems like a good idea at the time to throw another pint into your face and to be fair it usually is. But when you're dying the next day you can see direct correlations between your various misfortunes and the multitude of drinks you had the night before. Here's what those drinks did to you today!
The Last Shot Before You Left The Club
You knew there was no need for it. Why spend another €5 on a shot when you'll be face down in a puddle of your own drool in 20 minutes anyway? Someone always calls Jagerbombs in a desperate bid to relive those crazy days of 2009. That's cool. But it's also the reason that you got sick into your mouth a little bit this morning. Turn that frown upside-down and swallow that sick straight back down!
The OPD
The OPD or "Other Peoples Drinks" is the drink of the messy penny-pincher. It's getting close to the end of the night and there are abandoned drinks as far as the eye can see. Instead of spending your curry-chip money on another pint you pick up a glass with an unidentified red substance and knock it back. Bad move. That's why you're shaking like a shitting dog and contemplating your own death today.
The Tipping Pint
The Tipping Pint is that one drink that sent you over the edge. In just one drink the next day will go from "Ah I was locked!" to "I literally have no idea where the I am." It was the one that gave you the confidence and moral fibre to push on when your body cried out for mercy. You're in the fetal position breathing like an asthmatic paedophile because of this drink.
The Accidental Switch
You've been drinking vodkas all night, but your friend is wasted and got you a Carlsberg. "Oh yeah thanks Barry you fucking assclown!" Obviously you aren't going to refuse it but this accidental mix-up has you wrecked today. It's probably why you're sweating and it's definitely why your stomach is in absolute bits.
The Landing Shot
For whatever reason when you arrived at the club it seemed right to have a quick fire round of shots before you got your "proper drink". You went for two Sambucas which would usually be fine. But Johnny Dickface decides to switch it up and throw a Goldschläger into the mix. It was that move that made you sleep in and may have contributed to the raw nature of your lips this fine morning.
The King's Cup
This is where it all went wrong. Splitsies on a bottle of Morgan's would have gone just fine if you weren't drinking it like it was going out of fashion. Today's nightmare was made fresh to order in the King's Cup. Two parts lager, one part vodka and blackcurrant and a dash of tequila for the giggles. It set you down a dark path it's why you feel like a pickled dick today.