10 Tips For Getting Over A Bad Breakup
We've all been there, things were going great and then BOOM! Welcome to Dumpsville, population: you. It can be hard to pull yourself out of your post break up slump but luckily for you we have just the ticket. Here is the College Times guide to getting over your ex.
1. Slowly Dismantle The Shrine
Come on now, you've been putting it off for too long.
2. Find Another Partner Exactly Like Them In Every Way
An easier theory in theory than in practise. If you can't find a dead ringer then see if you can coerce potential mates into invasive plastic surgery in order to replicate your now former lover.
3. Delete Their Number
While you're at it throw your phone in the river, go off Facebook and live a hermit's life in the Wicklow mountains, never contact civilisation again.
4. Get A Full Frontal Lobotomy
Just remember to remind your surgeon to take out the part of the brain that feels emotion.
5. Change Your Sexual Orientation Through A Series Of Intense Brainwashing Sessions
6. Join A Cult
Nothing gets your mind off a bad break up like a good old-fashioned rootin' tootin' religious cult. Or better yet, start a cult
7. Start Going Out More
No more feeling sorry for yourself, sad arse. Hit the club, and dance away the heartache. Then go again, and again, and again! If you are perennially on the sesh, you'll have no time to worry about how the love of your life broke your heart into a million pieces.
8. Watch Netflix
I don't mean pick one show and watch it. I mean watch all of Netflix. Every single show. By the end, your brain will be mush and you won't be able to communicate without referencing TV shows.
9. Get Back With A Different Ex
Basic relationship maths dictates that the hurt of a breakup can be cancelled out by getting back with an old ex. *Warning* the effects of this are temporary and may lead to further complications down the line. College Times takes no responsibilities for the consequences of this advice.
10. Invest In Several Dozen Puppies
Go to your local pound and adopt as many puppies as financially possible. Their unconditional love, as well as their need for constant attention and supervision, will provide the perfect tonic for your broken soul. Better buy a pooper scooper!