11 Things You Should Never Do On Facebook
Facebook has created an entire generation of oversharing, over confident imbeciles. What started out as a tool for staying in contact with friends and relatives, has now turned into a place for the fools of the world to gather and share their shit opinions. For any of you offenders out there, please oh please, just have a read and stop ruining Facebook for the rest of us. Cheers!
1) Using Shit Grammar & Spelling
It's 2k14 now, this is not Bebo and the only people who speak like morons any more are 13 year olds and our parents. Sadly for them, they caught on to the trend eight years too late. We just don't have the heart (or nerve) to tell them.
2) Detailing Your Relationship(s)
We've had to sit through the mountain of pictures you've uploaded into the album "My baby and meee", we've had to endure the trauma of you posting sweet nothings to one another on a PUBLIC forum, we've had to resist the urge to throw up when you put up a different status every hour telling the world how "fucking stupid some ppl in this town can be, ignorant fuckers" and worst of all? We've had to see your friends comfort you in a non sarcastic fashion, using the actual phrase "hope yr ok hun."
3) Cheesy Check In's
We all know someone who checks into bed. Why? WHY? We all go to bed love, most of us visit it every night, in fact. Any check-in involving a couple and either a couch, bed or hotel and involving the word 'snuggle', needs to be stopped. Now.
4) Uploading An Excessive Amount Of Selfies
Many people, girls especially, feel the need to take thousands (not an exaggeration) of selfies and then share them with their many many 'friends'. Most of whom are likely to be male and there purely for wank bank material. Sorry, not sorry.
5) Uploading Excessive Pictures In General
We get that you went to Magaluf. We get that you made new friends and drank yourself into oblivion, night after night. We just wish that you would get that we don't need to see two hundred odd blurry images of it all. No really.
6) Sharing Details Of Your Ann Summers Party
This usually occurs when nine horny women get together, drink wine and fancy themselves as the next 50 Shades Of Grey character. This results in statuses, pictures and comments about large dildos and lost dignity. Put it away.
7) Having A Stupid Job Title
Do you too work at 'unemployed'? Then you don't actually work buddy, I hate to break it to you. Also, none of the following are feasible job titles: being a mad bastard, being a full time mammy to seven gayjus kids, being a professional legend, being a pure pulling machine or being anything with x's in it.
8) Anything To Do With Attention Seeking Statuses
Cryptic public statuses merely exist to gain interest from people otherwise not interested in you. It's either great or totally sad news, 'pure pissed off' or 'so excited can't wait for next week now', which gives away everything but nothing at the same time. Therefore, this usually probes nosy passers by to inquire about what's up. The response will be 'can't say on here'. THEN DON'T FUCKING SAY ANYTHING.
9) Commenting On Something You Haven't Even Read
There are far too many of these idiots. They appear to never have read a coherent sentence before this, but feel that their misspelled, incorrect opinions, should be heard loud and not clear irregardless. Ninety eight percent of the time they comment on articles without having so much as glanced at the title. I'm just going out on a limb here and presuming they can't read in the first place. It's the only explanation.
10) Liking Everything Within Your Sight
Now, just to clear things up, I'm not talking about a cheeky little 'like' from time to time. That is more than acceptable. Hell, that's what the 'like' button is there for, after all. However, as with all substances, liking things is an addiction if not controlled accurately and therefore, if you suspect that you are a liking wanker and have ever gone back through someones timeline merely to like something (whether it's on purpose or not is purely up to how mental you are), then here's some sound advice. Stop.
11) Befriending Inappropriate People
This extensive list covers parents, exes, bosses, people you severely dislike, people on whom you shall excessively creep, younger relations, your current partners ex, your exes new partner and old teachers. None of these people are going to make you a decent, sane online presence. I assure you.