Thirteen Things That Annoy Girls on Nights Out
The pressure of getting ready.
There’s ambivalence towards this subject as some girls thoroughly enjoy engaging in the quest of beauty, while others despise it. They just want to fast forward to the fun part without having to put any solid work in to the transformative process. To any male readers, this process is one not to be overlooked. It requires hours of grooming - including a lengthy shower, hair drying, tanning, choosing an outfit, styling your hair and most significantly putting on your makeup. I suppose the crux of the metamorphic procedure lies in putting on your makeup. We whip out our makeup brushes like Leonardo preparing to paint in fresco..it’s kind of a big deal.
Irish Weather ruining our style..literally
Quickly doing a makeup session in the back seat of the taxi before disembarking from a vehicle filled with merry girls. And of course, with the inevitabilities of Irish weather, a massive squall of wind comes and sticks your coiffured hair to your lip-gloss. This may seem trivial in the grand scheme of things, but it’s not a good look prior to making your main entrance.
Do you know who I am?
Strutting up to the very top of the queue, despite there being an evident and lengthy group of punters waiting to get in. The personality drink you just indulged in at pre-drinks empowers you with the audacity to do so. However, your self- assumed celebrity status is met with the reprimanding words of the bouncer to join the queue with the rest of your peasant counterparts - ‘end of the queue love.’
Toilet formalities
Straight to the toilets to be met with another large queue and some beasty girls banging on the cubicle door like you’re under attack, urging you to ‘hurry up’ (okay, in reality that may be spoken with some expletives). However, you can’t hurry up because there’s about four of your mates shoved into the same cubicle having an absolute DMC. Then on emergence from the toilet, irrespective of being a penniless student you almost feel guilted into giving the bathroom hostess money. €2 for a quick spray of deodorant and a random lollipop... grrrannd.
Oh no you did not!
You’ve finally fought your way to the bar besieged by a profusion of people. Having received your drink, you turn and make for the dance floor when some girl steps on your toe. I mean it when I say there is possibly no other pain in the world quite like it. An utter sense of rage descends upon you. Bitches be trippin'... no pun intended.
Feeling like the bag lady.
Being on a cheap one, or in other words being so frugal you can’t spare some change to put your coat in the cloakroom, thus you’re condemned to lugging it around for the night – effectively ruining your entire outfit and disenabling you to ooze any sense of coolness while creeping through the club. You don’t see Carrie Bradshaw bearing the burden of an anorak coat in a high-end LA nightclub do you?
Sweat Box
In true Cher Horowitz (Clueless movie) fashion, we all say, ‘Let’s do a lap before we commit to a location’. However, this doesn’t go quite to plan as you’re tightly wedged between so many people you simply decide to resign yourself to defeat and stay in the smoking section for the remainder of the night like a classy bird.
You kleptomaniac you!!
Going to the toilet with your mate and she asks you can she borrow some makeup – ‘nadda problem’ then you wake up the next day to learn half your expensive, transformative beautifying tools have disappeared. What’s worse is, when you see your makeup essentials in your thief of a mate’s makeup bag on your next encounter, but don’t have the courage to ask for it back.
Hey Mister DJ.
Surely we all love some classic oldies or a good chart song, but when the same music is played on every night out, it almost drives you to drink more just to drown out the harsh reality that NEYO is playing for the sixth time in a row.
Wearing heels is a workout, forget about squats!!
If a nightclub has too many unnecessary staircases, your night begins to feel more like an actual work out more than anything else. Sporting killer heels alone constitutes exercise, and this is something we females are willingly to sacrifice within reason. However, clambering the steps is potentially both dangerous and ludicrous! Elevators are key..
Tan Tantrums
When someone spills a drink on your perfectly tanned legs all hell breaks lose. The severity associated with this may be worse at pre-drinks before you’ve left the house- primarily because you are actually aware of the situation that’s surfaced. When it happens in a dim nightclub - that's only lit on occasion by artificial disco lights AND of course, if you’ve had a few sherries, the perpetrator will face a much lesser wrath of the recipient.
Men being well, men!
Walking by a group of guys in a nightclub to overhear a snide remark just to get a reaction out of you. Sometimes girls are better not even entertaining their behaviour. The most recent unpleasant exchanges I experienced featured something like,
Creep:
‘Do I get a kiss?’
Me:
‘No’
Creep:
’Ah you’re ugly anyway’
Life would be better if we could simply exterminate these unpleasant creatures from our lives for the greater good of mankind and to retain women’s sanity.
Why did I spend money to feel this way?
Sheer self-loathing the following day when you find the debris of last night’s fast food in your kitchen. You’ve effectively ruined all your concerted dieting efforts and everyone in your WeighWatchers support group is going to gasp in disbelief when you tell them how many points you’ve clocked up this weekend. You’ve also to deal with being extremely fragile; being needier than you already inherently are and wanting to, as your granny puts it, have ‘a good cry.’